


Reason To Start Again

by heartsdesire456



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Compliant, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Love Confessions, M/M, Married Characters, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Bucky and Steve got back together, Clint was used to seeing how much happier both of them were together than they had been before. He loved that his friends got their miraculous second chance. He loved watching them rediscover everything that made their love so beautiful and learn new things to add to their happiness in a future where they're allowed to be open about it. He never begrudged their happiness just because his love life didn't ever play out the same.</p><p>But coming face to face with Phil Coulson, the love of Clint's life, the man who died over two years ago, changed everything in a second.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reason To Start Again

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Learning To Say Hello](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2301347) by [heartsdesire456](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456). 



> This is a sequel to [Learning To Say Hello](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2301347) but it CAN be read on its own as long as you know that it's post-Winter Soldier and this is after Bucky's come back to Steve. The first story is literally just the story of Bucky and Clint becoming friends and Bucky coming home to Steve.
> 
> Now that that's out of the way!
> 
> You little shits better love me for this sequel. I wasn't going to write a sequel and then I decided I would and I thought it would be short like the original, but NOPE! Ended up being WAY longer than I ever planned. Also, I spent all day today finishing it and I was supposed to go to bed early since I have to get up at 8am, but instead, here I am, posting it at 3:20 in the morning so you guys don't have to wait until tomorrow afternoon for it.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: Also, figured I'd let you know for an interesting tidbit that the title comes from a song that inspired this fic sort of. Like, I was gonna write the fic already, and this song is one I've known for ages cause it comes on the radio ALL THE TIME, but for some reason when I was trying to think about Clint's reaction to Phil being alive, the lyrics to "Sleepwalking" by Bring Me The Horizon fit REALLY WELL!
> 
> I wont post the whole song, but these lyrics were what fit Clint in that moment really well to me:
> 
>  
> 
> _My secrets are burning a hole through my heart_  
>  And my bones catch a fever  
> When it cuts you up this deep  
> It's hard to find a way to breathe
> 
>  
> 
> _Your eyes are swallowing me_  
>  Mirrors start to whisper  
> Shadows start to sing  
> My skin's smothering me  
> Help me find a way to breathe
> 
>  
> 
> _Time stood still_  
>  The way it did before  
> It's like I'm sleepwalking

Clint winced as he shuffled through the door. He really hated how old he was getting. His knee hurt and his shoulder was sore. He barely even noticed the TV was on before he heard the distinct sound of a moan and his eyes flicked that way, only to land on a ridiculously broad and more importantly _bare_ back. “Aw Barnes!” Clint barked, covering his eyes as he flipped on the lights to the sound of a startled gasp and the frantic rustling of fabric. “Really, man, there’s a list of things I never needed to see and on there is ‘old people having sex’.”

“Oh keep your shorts on-“

“Pretty sure I’m not the one who needs to hear that-“

“We’re not having sex,” Bucky said, and Clint peeked between his fingers to see an amused Bucky leaned against the arm of the couch while Steve tugged his shirt down, cheeks bright red. “See? I’m still wearing all my clothes and everything,” he said, gesturing to his body.

Steve cleared his throat, biting his lip apologetically. “Sorry about that, Barton,” he said, and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Don’t try that innocent face on me, I know you’re a kinky fucker,” he said and Steve huffed, clearly offended.

“I am not,” he defended.

Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s middle, leaning against his back to rest his chin on Steve’s shoulder. “C’mon, don’t be a prude, we were just neckin’ a little bit. Not like we were screwin’ in your bed or something.”

Clint grimaced. “You better not be screwin’ in my bed. I’d have to kill you both, and I’m pretty sure that’s harder than it should be. Bad enough you’re defiling my couch every time Steve comes over,” he said and Bucky just smirked evilly from his spot curled around Steve’s back.

“Just be happy I haven’t dragged him into the shower with me,” he said, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“We wouldn’t both _fit_ in the shower here,” Steve pointed out, turning to look at Bucky.

Bucky grinned. “Stevie, I’m not sure you alone would fit in that shower. You’ve got shoulders so wide I can hear your shirt crying. In fact-”

Clint rolled his eyes. “Do not use a line about taking it off of him, he should just buy bigger shirts.”

Bucky pouted dramatically. “You’re no fun. Is that what happens when you get old?” he asked and Steve snickered but blinked innocently up at Clint. 

“Yeah, we’re only thirty and thirty-one. What’s it like when you get old and boring?” Steve asked in a curious tone before smirking when Bucky cracked up.

Clint flipped them off. “Fuck you, I’m only forty-two, I’m not a goddamn grandpa!”

“You forget, Pal,” Bucky called when Clint started up the metal stairs to his bedroom. “There are forty-two year old grandpas!”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, that’s not even _that_ weird. If you get married at twenty, have a baby at twenty-one, then your baby has a baby at twenty-one, there you go, forty-two-“

“DON’T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU IN THE ASS, ROGERS!” Clint called down from the door to his bedroom, slamming it behind him to block out the immature snickers coming from down below.

~

The next time Clint came home and saw Steve’s motorcycle parked out front, he called Bucky’s phone from the sidewalk. After six rings, an amused voice answered. “Barton, we’re not having sex on your couch, you can come up without calling-“

“Am I gonna see Steve Rogers naked if I come in without knocking? I gotta tell you, man, it doesn’t do much for a man’s self-esteem to see a chest like that looking back at you,” he said and Bucky laughed.

“How about this, if I decide to start makin’ time on your couch, I’ll leave a note on the door-“

Clint groaned. “Don’t do _that_ there are kids in this building! Kids who don’t need to find out Captain America has sex!”

From somewhere not far from the phone on Bucky’s end Clint heard Steve’s voice suddenly. “Yeah well Captain America would have to be having sex for them to find out about it.”

Clint cracked up and Bucky cleared his throat loudly. “Well excuse me, dear, I wasn’t aware my trauma was such a problem for you.” Clint winced suddenly and coughed.

“I’ll be up in a few. Please don’t break my house having a fight!” he said quickly and then hung up, shifting his grocery bags after putting up his phone.

~

A few days after Clint walked in on Bucky and Steve yelling at each other before Steve simply walked out (and broke the door slamming it, Clint was really sick of having to replace his door hinges, dammit), Clint came down from his room to find Steve asleep on the floor beside the couch and Bucky laying on the edge of the cushions, looking down at Steve with a look that seemed too personal for Clint to not look away from. After he fixed himself coffee he came back and Bucky smiled up at him, putting a finger to his lips as he nodded at Steve. “He’s still asleep,” he whispered. 

In a display that Clint knew absolutely nobody would believe if he recounted it, Bucky pressed a kiss to two of his metal fingers and reached own to press them to Steve’s cheek before hopping over the back of the couch and walking over to the counter where Clint was standing. Clint offered him the coffee pot and Bucky poured himself a cup. “I didn’t know Steve was even here,” Clint said and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Stubborn ass finally cracked and showed up around three in the morning near about cryin’ and telling me he’s sorry he yelled at me.” He shook his head. “Never saw him like that,” he admitted.

Clint hummed. “Well you guys were yelling a lot.”

Bucky shook his head. “Oh no, we’d yell all the time back in the day,” he said with a small grin. “Steve’s hotheaded. He gets fired up real easy.” He smiled affectionately over at the couch, even though they couldn’t see Steve from their spot. “Difference is, he’d eventually admit he was being a dumbass and kinda grumble out an apology like he was gettin’ teeth pulled. Even when he realized he was wrong, he _hated_ admitting it,” he confided and Clint chuckled softly at the mental image of skinny little Steve channeling the attitude he knew in Steve now. “Never seen him so sincere in an apology,” Bucky said softly.

Clint smiled sadly. “Well, back then, he’d never lost you before. It’s only been a few weeks since he got you back. Makes sense he’d be guilty and upset over yelling at you.”

Bucky sighed heavily and nodded. “I know. It’s just hard, s’all.” He shook his head. “I’m tellin’ you, Barton. I love that man more now than I ever thought was possible back then. If you’d ever told me there would be a day I’d look at Steve and feel _even more_ than I did since we were kids, I’d have told you you were insane.” He smiled a small, genuine smile that lit up his whole face. “Now I know that most likely every single time I look at him and think of everything we’ve both suffered and still came out on the other side and found each other, I’ll love him a little bit more each time.”

“Awwwww,” Clint cooed. He sighed. “You know, nobody in the world would believe me if I told them how _sappy_ the Winter Soldier turned out to be,” he teased and Bucky winked.

“I’ve loved one person for eighty-seven years. You find me a single person on this earth that’s loved the same man for that amount of time and isn’t sappy over them,” he challenged and Clint smiled, shaking his head.

“Not sure you can claim eighty-seven years really, you really were on ice for most of all this time. I mean, physically you’re probably only about thirty-three and mathematically subtracting Winter Soldier years, you’re thirty-one, so really, you’ve only loved him about twenty years-“

Bucky glared at him playfully. “Barton, fuck the ice. It was eighty-seven years ago my father drove a bloody little Irish kid home, so I say it’s eighty-seven years,” he grumbled decisively.

Clint started to open his mouth, only to pale when he saw the calendar Bucky insisted on keeping on the wall (It was full of fast cars, something Clint found hilarious that Bucky was interested in about the future). “Fuck.” He counted, tapping out on the counter, and only confirmed what he realized.

“Barton?” Bucky asked softly, and Clint swallowed hard, looking down at his coffee mug.

“Twenty years ago today, Phil shot me, saved my life, and recruited me to SHIELD.” He shook his head. “Funny how we had this conversation today.”

Bucky’s eyes showed sympathy Clint didn’t really want but appreciated all the same. “Aw man.” He reached out and clapped Clint on the shoulder, not bothering to use any more words. 

… At least until he cracked up suddenly. “Clint, Pal, how’d he go from shooting you to recruiting you?”

Clint grinned, though it was dimmer than his usually one. “We were after the same arms dealers. I was hired to kill him, Phil was there to fake a deal and arrested him.” He shook his head. “Phil didn’t count on me at all. He knew that an assassin was out to get the dealer, but didn’t take it that seriously. I got caught, though. They tied me up in a chair, cause they thought I was a government spy, never suspected Coulson was.” He grimaced. “They figured killing me in front of him would be a sign of good faith to their new client, but he thought fast and asked to be the one to have the honor of killing an American spy, and he shot me just under my collar bone, closer to my shoulder, _just_ where he’d miss my heart and any major arteries but close enough that they wouldn’t doubt it when I faked dead. He finished the deal, then a whole squad of SHIELD goons dropped in and he came over, cut me out of the ropes, then helped me walk until a medical team could get me and stop the bleeding.” 

Bucky snorted. “Only you would find that story worthy of that stupid smile on your face,” he said and Clint shrugged.

“This seemingly average guy saved my life, took down a bunch of bad guys, then offered me a job a few hours later in their medical center.” His smile grew sad. “And after a while, he was the first real friend I ever had and eventually the only person I’ve ever really been in love with.” He smirked. “Gotta say, at twenty-two, the ‘holy fuck this guy looks pretty normal until he smiles and then he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen’ thing freaked me out but made for some very awesome ‘test fantasies’, if you know what I mean,” he said and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I was too afraid of someone _knowing_ and me ending up floating in the river to even let myself fantasize,” he said bitterly and Clint clapped him on the shoulder.

“Well, the good news is, you got the real thing in the end,” he said and Bucky winked.

“Nice choice of words,” he said and Clint spewed coffee across the counter when he laughed while taking a sip. His coughing and wheezing and laughing all together was enough to wake up Steve, who scrambled to his knees, looking around in confusion, blonde hair standing up on one side and an unfocused look in his eyes.

“Huh, wha, ‘m up!” he said, only to blink some and finally look at them in confusion. “What’re you doin’?”

Bucky gestured to Clint, who was still coughing and laughing. “He’s dyin’, what’s it look like, Punk?” he said and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

“Why’re you killing your only friend, Buck? That’s not very nice,” he said and Clint couldn’t stop laughing and choking. “Alright, alright, get him some water before he really dies,” Steve instructed. “If I kill her friend, Natasha would snap my neck with her thighs.”

Bucky leered at him. “Doesn’t sound like the _worst_ way to go, if we’re honest,” he said and Steve made a face.

“Maybe to you. Only thighs I want to be between are yours,” he said and Bucky turned back to give him an affectionate ‘awwww’ while pouring Clint a glass of water.

When Clint finally coughed up all the coffee he inhaled and caught his breath, he just shook his head. “You two are going to literally be the death of me,” he accused and they both just gave him innocent looks. “Also, dude, Steve, have you _really_ never got it on with somebody besides Bucky? I mean, come on, you’re so attached to him you’d take issue with _Natasha_ ’s legs around your head?” he asked and Steve rolled his eyes.

“To answer you first question, no, I’ve never had sex with anybody else, don’t judge me for being unwanted, in love with Bucky, and then too depressed to even fantasize about sex,” he said and Clint gave him an apologetic look. “And second, I’m not Bucky, I _never_ liked girls. Not really. I mean, I kind of had a- a crush, I guess, on Peggy, but I was with Bucky, I wasn’t gonna do anything about it when I was in love with him and it was mostly a crush on how much of a badass she was,” he said, and Bucky nodded seriously.

“Even I had a crush on Peggy mostly because of how much of a badass she was. Steve and I talked about our crushes on Peggy openly with each other because we were secure enough in our relationship – even with how fucked up shit was then – to not take it personally,” Bucky confirmed.

Steve chuckled and nodded. “And I find other men attractive, but even if I had the chance, I wouldn’t want to sleep with anybody besides Bucky.”

Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s middle and smiled brightly. “Good thing, cause I’m not a sharin’ kinda fella,” he said, leaning in to smack a kiss to Steve’s cheek.

Clint groaned. “Sappy, sappy, sappy,” he accused, pointing at them as he grabbed what was left of his coffee (after inhaling half of it and subsequently coughing it all up into the sink) and headed back upstairs. “Oh how the world would react if they knew how sappy Captain America and his assassin boyfriend are.”

~

The next time Clint came home, he spotted a car he knew far too well parked out front and stopped short, Lucky’s leash falling from his fingers as he stared. “Fuck no,” he breathed, eyes scanning over the familiar red paint job. He looked at the car and remembered all the times he’d joked about him and Nat wearing bikinis to wash it as punishment (Natasha always offered to give him one of her bikinis if he’d let her take pictures and actually follow through with the joke). After a moment, Lucky nudging at his knees brought him back to reality like a cold slap to the face.

Somebody had decided to start _driving Lola_. Someone had taken her after SHIELD fell and had been driving her around. Clint had thought she’d get sent to Phil’s family after he died or something, so the idea that someone from SHIELD had been driving her fired up such a rage in him that he couldn’t help snatching Lucky’s leash up and went into the building walking only as slow as Lucky needed to keep up. 

When he got to the landing at the top, however, his door hanging open and the sound of growled Russian coming from inside had him dropping Lucky’s leash and running the rest of the way. He slipped in and snagged the gun stashed under the table right inside the door and then stepped fully into the room, gun raised. He saw Bucky had someone pinned against the wall beside the TV, metal arm over their throat. “Bucky, what’s going on?” he asked, trying to see around him.

Bucky’s Russian swapped to English for Clint’s benefit. “You’re gonna tell me who you are, why you’re here, and what the fuck you’re doing with that face NOW!” He slammed his flesh and bone hand against the wall beside the person.

The voice that spoke was not one Clint ever expected to hear again. “I could have asked the same of you before I walked in here.”

Clint gasped and almost dropped his gun his hand shook so hard. Lucky barked loudly, something he didn’t do often, and bounded over to Bucky, stopping not far from him to let out a low growl, which Clint had never seen him do before. “Lucky, you’re a terrible guard dog for me, but God forbid something make your new favorite upset,” he accused weakly, avoiding the situation for a moment.

Bucky turned and looked at him finally. “Clint, maybe you should-“

“No,” Clint said, walking closer, gun still raised. He shivered when he saw the face he’d feared seeing around Bucky’s head. “No, this one’s personal,” he said, voice hollow. He raised the gun a few more inches, pointing at the head. “Who are you, why are you here, and what are you doing wearing that face?”

“Agent Barton, I realize this must be a surprise,” the man (he was _not_ Phil, Clint knew) said. “But I’ve had things to deal with-“

“Don’t pull that shit,” Clint gritted out. “Don’t fucking act like you’re him. You don’t even do it well.”

The man smiled tersely. “I’m afraid you’ve been misled-“

Clint scoffed. “You fucked up by only ever seeing what he was like at work,” he explained. “See, I know-” He grimaced. “I knew Phil Coulson better than anybody else on this planet or any other. The man I loved would’ve cracked a joke by now.”

The man’s extreme stillness stopped and he seemed to pale some, eyes growing wide. “The man you _what_?” he croaked and Clint froze as doubt crept into his mind. “Are you saying- you were-“ His face seemed to crumple some. 

Bucky fidgeted. “Barton, what’re we gonna do? It’s not him…. Right?”

Clint shook his head slowly, trying to squash down the doubt he felt. “Of course not. I’m gonna go call Natasha, then she’ll help us figure out what to do-“

“You gave her a necklace,” the Phil imposter said in a soft, distant voice. “You gave it to her and said- said that way she’d have a piece of you everywhere.” He shook his head. “I thought you and she- I thought you were-“

Clint winced, eyes slipping shut. “Shut up!” he snapped. “Stop pretending you know anything about him-“

“ _Clint_.”

Clint’s eyes flew open and his breath caught. 

He knew the sound of his name from Phil’s lips. He knew it better than he knew anything else. He knew the way his lips formed the sounds. He knew it better than almost anything else about Phil because when things were looking grim for Clint, it was Phil’s mouth saying his name that he saw last before everything went dark. 

Clint swallowed and walked closer. “N-no,” he whispered, shaking his head. “No.”

The man took a breath and squared his shoulders. “You bought me forty-seven mini drink umbrellas when we were in Lima and taped them into a parasol so I wouldn’t get sun burned. You joked that you’d ‘never forget to take her for walks’ when I agreed to let you bring in Natasha.” He smiled tightly. “When you were waiting on orders on whether or not to shoot Thor in New Mexico, you asked me if I wanted you to take the shot or if I wanted to send more guys for him to beat up-“

Clint actually dropped his gun and staggered back some as he looked at _Phil_ and shook his head. “Jesus, no.” He put a hand over his mouth. “It’s not possible-“

“I am so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I wasn’t allowed and it was never the right time to break the rules,” Phil said and Clint just shook his head harder.

“No.” He turned and walked past the couch, heading for the stairs. “No, not doing this shit. Fuck this. _Fuck_ this,” he muttered as he escaped to the solitude of his bedroom.

~

Clint didn’t really notice much of the ride to Stark Tower. He didn’t really notice much of anything other than Natasha and Bucky talking in Russian from either side of him as they guided him through the lobby behind where Steve was marching Coulson ahead of them in case he decided to run for it for some reason.

Clint only really caught back up with reality when Stark and Banner’s arguing was interrupted by Coulson speaking up. “Look, this is all getting to be a little ridiculous. Do you honestly think you need to X-Ray me in case I’m a _robot overlord_ -“

Tony stopped pacing and pointed at him. “You shush! Zombie Liars Who Lie don’t get to have opinions in this tower.”

Bruce sighed. “Tony, he’s not a zombie, he’s a _robot_ -“

“Bruce, he’s not a robot, robots don’t _lie_! Robots are nice, he’s just an Asshole Death Faker like Director Fury,” Tony argued.

Phil cleared his throat. “Sorry, I know, ‘Zombie Liars’ don’t get opinions, but first I’d like to say I’m not a zombie or a robot – if I was I’d have had way less injuries than I have the last couple of years – and to clarify a little detail, Nick’s not Director of SHIELD anymore.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Obviously not, SHIELD doesn’t exist, so he’s not anything-“

“No,” Coulson said with a small, sheepish smile. “Um, that’s why I came to New York, actually. I was coming to give the ‘join SHIELD… again’ pitch because-“ He shrugged. “Well, I’m the Director of SHIELD now.”

Clint blinked. “Well isn’t that just _dandy_ ,” he said, the first words since they’d left the apartment. His voice was hoarse and his throat was dry, even if his eyes were threatening to be traitorously _not_. “After all of the lying, all of the death-faking, all of the _shit_ you put me and Natasha through by doing those things, you only came to let us know you’re alive because you wanted to _recruit us_.” He shook his head, lip curled in disgust. “Everything is about SHIELD to you, isn’t it?” he asked bitterly. “I bet when SHIELD started to fall, you lost your shit because God Forbid you have to do something or think something or feel anything that wasn’t an order with all the correct paperwork filled out in triplicate and turned into the proper channels, huh, Coulson?” Clint mocked.

Phil gave him a sad smile. “Clint-“

“STOP THAT!” Clint snapped, standing up quickly. “Don’t act like you’re my friend. Don’t act like- like you give a shit about me by calling me by my first name.”

“You know I give a shit, Barton-“

Bucky scoffed. “I don’t know about you, Pal, but in my experience, friends don’t fuckin’ play dead for two years while the people you left behind mourn you.”

Phil fixed him with his most clinically cool, emotionless look. “And I didn’t know you were alive, Sergeant Barnes. Not until you threw me into a wall. However, you were a soldier so I’m pretty certain you have personal experience with following orders-“

Bucky slid off the arm of the couch and walked a few steps closer. “Yeah, and following orders is the reason I’m fuckin’ here. I’m not knocking it _now_ , when I’m free and back to being me, but following orders got my ass strapped to a table and experimented on and that’s the last orders I ever followed blindly until the results of that experimentation made it so that somebody else could remove _every goddamn choice I had in the matter_ ,” he said in a low, dangerous tone. “I’ve spent the last seventy goddamn years following orders, and lemme tell you, Buddy, orders _suck_.”

Natasha, who had been suspiciously quiet, spoke up. “Why did you follow your orders this time?” she asked Phil in a vulnerable tone that belied how hurt she really was beneath her cool exterior. He looked at her and she shrugged. “You didn’t follow orders to kill me. You broke plenty of orders when we were all working together. Why’d you follow the orders to _pretend to be dead_?”

Clint shook his head. “It was elaborate enough he had to be in on it from the start, Nat. He fucking played us.” He gave Phil a disgusted look. “Almost twenty years I trusted you when I didn’t trust another person in the world.” He shook his head. “I cannot believe you would do that to me and Natasha at least-“

“How was I supposed to know what it would do to you, Clint?” Phil asked, holding out his hands. “I had no idea how important I was-“

“I HAD TWO FRIENDS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!” Clint snapped. “Even if you didn’t know how I felt about you, you had to know you were my _family_ , Phil! You and Nat, you were the only family I’d ever had that didn’t turn on me and hurt me and LOOK WHAT YOU DID!” he cried. “You think my mom forgetting to feed me for three days or my dad burning me with cigarettes or my brother beating me half to death and leaving me to die is _anything_ compared to the one person I trusted more than anything making me think he’s _gone_ when he wasn’t?!” Clint spluttered. “You don’t get to fake like you ever gave a shit about me if you honestly can look me in the eye and say you had no idea what it would to do me! If you had ever given a damn about me, even without knowing the full extent, you would have known that losing you was the _worst thing that could ever happen to me!_ ” Clint shook his head, jostling loose the tears building behind his eyelashes. “So don’t even, okay? Don’t you dare pretend you didn’t know what it was going to do to me when you decided to make me think you died.”

Bucky tried to reach out and grab Clint when he turned and stormed out, but Clint dodged his hand, shaking his head at Bucky as he went to the elevator and pressed the first button he saw, not caring where he went.

~

When Bucky found him, Clint was sitting outside Steve’s apartment – the only reason Bucky knew Clint was waiting on him instead of really trying to hide – with his head in his hands. Bucky brought him inside and sat beside him on the couch. When Steve got back, he gave them space and went to his bedroom.

Clint didn’t speak for the longest, but when he eventually did, he started with a heavy groan. “Did I really just make a huge scene and spill all my skeletons from my closet and cry and pretty much admit to the world that I loved Phil Coulson all in front of Tony Stark?” he asked, and Bucky tutted.

“Fuck Tony Stark,” he said, slinging his arm around Clint’s shoulders. “Don’t worry about it, man. Nobody was happy with him before, people are just even more pissed now.”

Clint ran a hand over his face and swallowed. “Wanna know what the worst part is?” Bucky looked at him and Clint smiled a watery smile up at him. “Behind all the pain and betrayal and disgust… a huge part of me is just so happy he’s alive,” he admitted weakly. He shook his head. “How stupid am I that I want to hate him but so much of what I feel is relief and happiness because _Phil’s alive_ ,” he breathed. He shook his head. “I don’t know how. I don’t understand. I _saw him_.” Clint looked at Bucky. “I saw his body. I touched his hand. He was cold. He was _dead_.”

Bucky shook his head. “I fell off a mountain in ‘45, then woke up in the next century and realized I was trying to kill my best friend, who also ‘died’ in ’45, and ‘oh yeah’, I’d been brainwashed and controlled for the time in between. I can’t really say anything really shocks me anymore,” he said and Clint laughed weakly.

“God, he’s alive.” He snorted. “He’s a bastard, but he’s a _living_ bastard.” Clint leaned back against the couch. “What do I do? I mean… should I talk to him?”

Bucky gave him a stern look. “Of course you talk to him. Make him give you answers. He owes you that. I know its harsh coming from me, the Winter Soldier, but the fact is, he needs to explain himself to you. The way I see it, he shouldn’t get to pull that ‘didn’t know it would hurt you’ bullshit. I didn’t even know the first names of half the men who died with me in the trenches and it still hurt knowing ‘that one kid with the hair’ was gone.” He shook his head. “Unless he seriously underestimates his worth as a person, you deserve to know what all of this was about.”

Clint smiled sadly. “What would you do?” he asked softly. “If it was Steve-“ He swallowed. “If it was Steve and his reason was bullshit like Phil’s… would you forgive him? I mean, not right away, but eventually, would you forgive him? Should I forgive Phil?”

Bucky smiled sadly. “Well, seeing as Steve wouldn’t pull this shit, I really don’t know how to answer. But…” He sighed regretfully. “I’ve never not forgave Steve. I love him too much to even think about not forgiving him eventually.”

“I’m afraid I’m gonna do that, too,” Clint admitted. “I don’t want to forgive him. But I’m so happy he’s alive, I’m afraid it’ll happen anyways.”

Bucky laughed humorlessly. “Clint, I’m sorry to tell you, but that, my friend, is the downside of love. You forgive people who don’t deserve it because your dumb heart won’t let you stay mad. Maybe none of it was ever as serious as this, but Steve had done plenty of shit that he didn’t deserve my forgiveness for, shit that made me want to wring his little neck, but I loved him too goddamn much to stay mad.” He shook his head. “I don’t think you can avoid it. Eventually you won’t be mad anymore. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try to make him earn the forgiveness you’ll eventually give him anyways.”

Clint nodded. “God, emotions suck, huh?”

Bucky nodded. “Most of the time.”

“Shit,” Clint muttered dejectedly.

~

The next morning, Clint went to find Coulson and wasn’t surprised to find out they hadn’t let him leave. When he walked into the living room, where he found Phil on his phone by the wall of windows, Tony and Bruce shared a look and then hightailed it from the room, clearly wanting to avoid the showdown should Clint decide to kill Coulson or something.

(He had a feeling they were both a little scared of him for some reason. He figured it was probably having a Winter Soldier BFF.)

Coulson got off the phone and turned back, only to start some when he saw Clint. “Clint. I mean, Barton,” he corrected, looking apologetic. “I didn’t expect you to actually ever speak to me again, really,” he admitted. “I thought you’d be angry at me forever.

Clint huffed, crossing his arms. “Well, I’m still really pissed,” he muttered and Coulson nodded some. “But I want- I _deserve_ answers,” he amended. Clint sat down, putting his heels on the couch, looking over his knees at Coulson, who moved to sit on the coffee table in front of him. “How did you and Fury fake it?” he muttered, chewing on his thumbnail. “I don’t-“ He groaned in frustration. “I saw your body. I- I touched your hand. You were _cold_. When Fury faked his death, they took his body away within an hour to keep anybody from realizing he wasn’t dead, but this was the next morning I saw you-“

“It wasn’t fake,” Phil said softly, looking at Clint rather than avoiding his gaze. “I was dead, Clint. Barton.” He shook his head. “Fury didn’t fake it. The body you saw was me. It was this body,” he said, putting a hand on his chest. “I died when Loki stabbed me. It shredded my heart.”

Clint inhaled and put a hand over his mouth. “How- I don’t-“ He floundered for a moment before shaking his head. “Why are you alive now?”

Phil looked around, then looked up clearing his throat. “JARVIS, is Mr. Stark listening in?”

“No, Sir, but the surveillance footage does have audio.”

“Any way I could persuade you to conveniently have a malfunction for the next few minutes of this conversation?” he asked, and Clint chuckled at JARVIS’s tone when he responded.

“Oh, would you look at that, it appears there’s a slight hiccough in my systems, whatever could be happening?” Jarvis replied in the most sarcastic tone Clint had heard from the AI.

Phil was smiling too until he sighed and looked back at Clint. “There was a project so secret that I wasn’t even aware I was involved in it until my pilot recovered a drive that had me on video telling Nick that the whole project was so unethical that I was going to hand in this video with my resignation.” He chortled. “Apparently he talked me into just having my memory wiped and going back to my job without the guilt that would’ve been gnawing at me otherwise.” He looked down at his hands. “The project was a recovery system. In the event of the death of an Avenger, there was a way to regenerate the body’s cells at an accelerated rate to heal the injuries even after death and a way to reprogram the brain and fix the brain damage due to lack of oxygen. Basically kick start the dead brain tissue.” He shook his head. “But the procedure itself was barbaric. It involved being awake and with no anesthesia. And it wasn’t painless like brain surgery usually is, because it wasn’t the brain alone being tampered with, it was the whole central nervous system.” Phil looked up and met his eyes. “Clint, I was dead for days. I was dead and Nick had the procedure done on me and then implanted false memories of six months recovering in an island paradise to cover up all the suffering I was put through to bring me back.”

Clint swallowed. “So- so you were gone for six months?” he asked, and Phil nodded.

“The time I thought I was in Tahiti, my brain was being remapped slowly, piece by piece.”

“Shit,” Clint breathed, shaking his head. “How could he- why would he do that to you?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “The asshole was worthless without me around. He was selfish and wouldn’t let me just die.” He leaned back some. “And now he’s made me the Director of SHIELD.” He winced some. “Barton, I only came back now because I need you.” 

Clint laughed harshly. “Wow, Coulson, that’s rich. You were gone six months and whatever happened sucked, sure, but it’s been two years! You really thought coming back eighteen months after you rejoined SHIELD because you ‘need me’ would fly?”

Phil gave him an apologetic look. “Clint, I had no idea how you felt-“

“Don’t go there,” Clint said sharply. “Just don’t. I’m serious about what I said last night. You shouldn’t have needed-“

“Look,” Phil interrupted, holding out his hands. “I didn’t think anybody would care that much!” he stressed. “Barton, I don’t have _friends_. I never have really. People liked me because of my professional life. Nobody ever gave a damn about me outside of Agent Coulson, so I honestly didn’t think after six months of being gone that anybody would still miss me! Six months is a long time and I thought anybody that had cared enough would’ve healed by then so there was no reason to show up and reopen that wound.”

Clint stared at him blankly. He blinked a few times before gritting his teeth. “God, you have the shittiest self-esteem ever, Phil, and that’s a hell of a claim coming from me,” he said bluntly and Phil raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Do you fucking hear yourself?! You really think nobody- GOD.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Do you know how big the memorial service for you was? You got your own, by the way, there was a mass memorial and then a memorial for you,” he spat. “ _A thousand people_ showed up, Phil.” He shook his head. “There’s a Phil Coulson Memorial Scholarship through the Maria Stark foundation now. There’s a fucking Phil Coulson Memorial Wing at one of the Maria Stark hospitals in California. There’s a goddamn _auditorium for a symphony_ in DC named after you-“ Clint saw Phil look down and he narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you pulled that ‘six months’ bullshit on Audrey, too. I swear if you say she doesn’t know-“

“She doesn’t,” Phil said softly. He looked up. “I’d been gone six months. She was getting past the grief. She’s happy. I actually saved her from the guy that was after her when I met her after he escaped from the Fridge not too long ago. She didn’t see me, but I saw her. She’s doing well-“

“I’m gonna punch you in the face,” Clint said matter-of-factly, making Phil give him a surprised look. “Phil Coulson, I swear to fucking God, you are a terrible person,” he said openly and honestly. “I don’t care if it’s your shitty self-esteem, you do not let the love of your life think you’re _dead_ if you aren’t!”

Phil scoffed. “What else was I going to do, Clint?! ‘Oh, sorry I died on you, how about that vacation now?’ Somehow I don’t think that would’ve been received well-“

Clint spluttered. “It would’ve been received perfectly because she got the biggest fucking _miracle_ of her life, you moron!” he cried angrily. “Jesus Christ, Coulson.” He rubbed at his temples. “You honestly have no clue how many people care about you, do you? You genuinely don’t comprehend that to so many people you are a wonderful human!” He shook his head, smiling bitterly. “You’d be in for a hell of a surprise if you could see yourself through the eyes of somebody that loves you, you know that?”

Phil winced some. “Clint, about that… if I had known how you felt- If there had been any indication that my death hurt you that way, I might not have just assumed you wouldn’t want to be bothered six months later.” He shook his head. “But I never saw anything that suggested-“

“Of course you didn’t,” Clint argued. “I worked damn hard not to let anybody notice that I was the idiot with feelings for my boss, if you’d noticed I’d be a shitty spy.”

Phil shook his head. “Clint, I didn’t even know you were attracted to men. There was no indication you wanted anything-“

“I _didn’t_ ,” Clint stressed. “That’s my point. I didn’t want anything from you that I knew I wasn’t going to get. Trust me, Coulson, it’s not you being that blind, it’s me knowing what I can have and what I can’t.” He shrugged. “I’m not ashamed of being in love with you, Phil. I didn’t hide it for fear of others knowing, I hid it because it was never going to happen and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Phil grimaced. “Clint, still, I wouldn’t have put you in the positions I did if I had known. For fucks sake, I practically rubbed Audrey in your face and I had no clue what I was doing-“

“Fuck that,” Clint scoffed. “I _was happy_ for you and Audrey.” He smiled sadly. “She made you happy. She was the best thing to happen to you the whole time I knew you, Phil.” He shrugged. “All I ever wanted was to see you happy, and I was never going to be the person who did that, so knowing you had met the person who could was the next best thing.” Clint got up and turned to walk away. He knew the conversation was over. He wasn’t going to come back, that was for sure. And he wasn’t going to get stuck in an endless cycle of telling Phil he was a dumbass. Not now at least.

“Clint?” Clint glanced back. Phil gave him a hollow look. “Clint, how long?” he asked, and Clint frowned. “How long did you- I mean when-“

Clint let out a heavy sigh and managed a small smile as he met Phil’s eyes. “A long damn time, Phil,” he said softly and then turned, leaving without a backwards glance.

~

Clint looked up only to roll his eyes when he saw Bucky’s lack of response wasn’t due to not hearing Clint but due to Steve coming in and all of Bucky’s attention span going out the window. “Mornin’,” Bucky said with a slow, easy smile that grew some at the corners when Steve looked up and met his eyes.

“Hey Buck. Didn’t know you guys were still here,” he said, walking over with his cereal and coffee. He leaned down and pecked Bucky’s lips, only to giggle (And holy shit, _Captain America_ giggled) when Bucky grabbed him around the waist and pulled him down into his lap. “Bucky!” he laughed, settling his bowl and cup before he could spill them. “I’m pretty sure this chair isn’t meant to hold this much weight,” he said, but Bucky just tightened his hold, pulling Steve until he was sitting sideways across his lap.

“Good thing I’m all strong and shit. I’d hate bein’ in the future with you and can’t even pull you in my lap like I used to love to do,” he said, tipping his chin up and meeting Steve’s lips in a small kiss.

Clint mimed barfing and saw Bruce snickering into his oatmeal at Clint’s faces. “You think this is bad?” Clint asked, pointing a thumb at them. “I keep coming home to less and less clothing on Cap, Man. One day I’m gonna come home, catch an eyeful of them screwing, and either I’ll be put off men forever or it’ll make me go totally gay when I generally dig chicks. Either way, I don’t need that crisis of identity.”

Bucky shot him a look. “Oh ‘har har’, you’re the one that told me to talk to him-“

“I didn’t realize you’d turn into a giant sap!” Clint argued. “It was stories about how Steve seduced you after getting sick of you whoring around with women when he knew you wanted him, now it’s ‘Steve’s eyes’ this and ‘Steve’s hair’ that and ‘Steve likes this show so we should watch it so I can talk about it to him’-“

“Clint!” Bucky gritted out, shaking his head. “I told you that in private!”

Steve just smirked, sliding his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “Oh don’t worry, I know how big of a sap you are when it comes to me, Barnes. This isn’t news, really.” He winked at him as he twirled a strand of Bucky’s hair around his finger. “You never fooled me, Bucky, you were just tryin’ to fool yourself.”

Bucky grunted. “Yeah, well, s’not my fault I wasn’t as reckless and fearless as you were. Unlike you, I was terrified of ending up beat to death for being like that. Your punk ass was never afraid of anything.”

“I know something Cap’s afraid of!” They all three looked up to see Tony walking in with Phil and Pepper talking behind him. “Spiders. The man turns into the words largest three year old when there’s a spider.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “It’s a valid fear, Stark, when I was skinny a spider bite would’ve been certain death. You forget it’s only been like five years to me mentally.”

Tony stopped on his way to the coffee maker and looked back, only to raise an eyebrow. “You two, are you trying to break my furniture? Get your giant asses in your own chairs!” 

Pepper and Phil looked up, and Clint couldn’t help the smirk that graced his lips when Phil actually started to turn pink at the sight of Steve sitting in Bucky’s lap. Bucky flipping Stark off brought the strangest expression to Phil’s face. “Fuck you, Stark. If you got a problem with me ‘n Stevie-“

“Oh you know it’s not that,” Pepper said, walking over with an amused smile. She sat across from them and winked. “If Tony wasn’t with me, he’d be tricking Bruce into marrying him right now,” she said and Bruce gave her an alarmed look.

“Hell yes I would!” Stark said, walking over to sit between her and Bruce. “Brucey, baby, if I thought Pepper would let me marry you and still be her boyfriend, I’d totally do it. Our Science Babies would be beautiful,” he sighed dramatically and Bruce grimaced.

“I’m somewhat flattered and entirely alarmed. Congratulations, Tony, you’ve invented a new emotional response,” he said and Tony just winked at him and blew him a kiss. 

When Phil sat, Tony gestured to Steve and Bucky. “If you hadn’t noticed, our favorite nonagenarians are dirty, dirty lovers in the night.”

Phil hummed, clearly trying not to blush. “I see that.” He nodded. “Congratulations on finding one another again.”

Bucky shrugged. “Congratulations on being a giant dickhead,” he said bluntly and Steve swatted him on the arm.

“Bucky!”

“What?! You don’t have any fuckin’ clue how much of an asshole he is, Stevie, just trust me on this-“

“Bucky, don’t go picking fights at the table-“

“Oh like _you_ get to go talking about pickin’ fights,” Bucky argued and Steve glared at him. “No, Rogers, you’re not winning this one. Just deal with the fact that he hurt my friend and it pisses me off and I’m not gonna be nice for the sake of it,” he said and Steve sighed and shook his head.

“Your mother taught you better manners-“

“Yeah and you ruined all the manners my Ma taught me,” he argued with a smirk.

Steve rolled his eyes. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Barnes. Lying is wrong, you know?”

Clint just snickered. “Says the man who lied on enlistment forms,” he pointed out and Steve gave him a faux innocent look.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. You should really get that memory checked, I’m pretty sure at your advanced age memory confusion is a bad sign-“

“Ha fuckin’ ha,” Clint droned. He gestured at them with his fork, looking at Bruce. “You see what I put up with? Always going on about my age. Bastards.”

Bucky just gave him a too-sweet smile, curling his arms around Steve’s middle. “It’s only natural to feel jealousy over how young and gorgeous we are, layin’ around in your apartment, lookin’ good and lacking all the wrinkles you have-“

“And the gray hairs, don’t forget those,” Steve said and Bucky nodded seriously.

“And the grays-“

“I do not have gray hair,” Clint argued petulantly. “I earned these wrinkles, so you can both kiss my ass. I’m only a decade older than you two.”

Tony nodded. “Pepper’s his age,” he said pointedly. “You sayin’ she’s old?” he asked.

Bucky gave Pepper his most charming smile and a wink. “No way a gorgeous thing like you’s a day over thirty, Sweetheart.”

Pepper chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Ass kissing will get you everywhere,” she said. “And besides, with an ass like Clint’s, age is really just a number.”

Tony gasped dramatically and grabbed his chest. “Pepper! Are you implying his butt is better than mine?!”

“Oh definitely,” she said, but leaned over and pecked Tony’s lips.

Clint smirked at Bucky. “Hear that? She likes my butt.”

Bucky shrugged. “Eh, you’re alright, my tastes just run very specific.” He looked up at Steve pointedly, earning a smirk.

“Damn straight they do. Last few months before I got sick of waiting on you to get your head out of your ass, every girl you went out with was skinny, and blonde. Trust me, you weren’t foolin’ anybody,” he teased.

Bucky grinned and reached up to push Steve’s bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah, well, no girl ever had your jaw or your smart mouth, so I was wastin’ my time anyways.”

Steve hummed, leaning into his touch. “Damn straight you were,” he said before leaning down to catch Bucky’s lips, curling his arms around Buck’s neck. “Mmmm, love you,” he muttered and Bucky moaned before murmuring it back at him.

Clint grimaced. “This happens every time Steve comes over to my place. They end up devolving into sappy ‘I love you’s and making out,” he informed Bruce, who just chuckled.

“Hey, their story is adorable. Two young men in love in a time where their love was criminal, separated by war, then by death, only to find each other in the future.” Bruce shrugged. “Imagine if the history books knew the real story.”

Clint snickered. “Captain America memorabilia would all include rainbows,” he said, glancing at Coulson, who smiled a small smile when he met Clint’s eyes. 

It wasn’t much, Clint figured, but being able to look each other in the eye was better than nothing, even if it was to make a joke about Captain America.

~

Clint was almost asleep on the couch – which Bucky was suspiciously absent from, but Clint didn’t want to think about that – in the middle of an episode of Dance Moms when his unasked question was answered by Bucky coming in through the fire escape. “Holy shit, Rogers is a dead man!”

Clint cracked open an eye and frowned. “Why are you killing your boyfriend?”

Bucky stalked over to Clint, a frown on his face. “Did you know me ‘n him were fuckin’ engaged? I mean, did he ever tell anybody he was keepin’ that one from me?”

Clint frowned sitting up. “Engaged? How the hell were you engaged? Gay marriage isn’t even legal in a lot of the US _now_ -“

Bucky cut him off with a dramatic eye roll. “No shit, dumbass,” he said, crawling over the back of the couch. “No what happened was this girl Steve knew got engaged to this fella she didn’t even really like cause she was sick of her Pa bossing her around and wanted to get away from her folks, and he was going on about how stupid it was she was getting married to a guy she didn’t even like when the war meant women were able to get decent jobs and she could’ve struck out on her own, damn the expectations.”

Clint snorted. “Sounds like Steve, alright. He got in trouble for telling that chick from the news what she could do with her ‘women don’t belong in combat’ stuff.”

Bucky smirked. “You don’t talk about women being inferior to the Irish firecracker whose single mother raised him and provided for him and did it all without anybody’s help,” he said a proud tone. “Anyways,” he said, waving a hand. “Back to why Rogers is gonna die,” he said matter-of-factly, making Clint smile in amusement. “Susie Fisher got engaged, Steve was pretty fired up about it being ridiculous cause she didn’t even like the guy but she was catholic so it’s not like divorce was even an option besides the stigma of it all.”

“I assume there’s a point coming?” Clint asked, and Bucky glared at him until he held up his hands in surrender.

“Yeah, there’s a point, shithead,” Bucky said, then huffed and crossed his arms. “Two minutes after that rant, he looked up from his dinner right at me and said, ‘You know what’s the worst of it, Buck? I can’t get engaged to you cause of something as pointless as you being a fella when I love you a hell of a lot more than half the married folks we ever knew and don’t plan on that ever changing.’”

Clint cooed. “Awwww that’s so cute.”

Bucky glared. “Yeah, and I told him ‘well tell you what, Stevie, you go and ask me right and one day we’ll find a way to get married anyhow’ and that dumbass got down on one knee and proposed with a fuckin’ button that had popped off one of my shirts, and I said yes and I kept it and sewed that damn button into the inside of my jacket when I got sent to war and still fuckin’ had it on me when he rescued me and when I showed him he said ‘guess we’ve just gotta finish this war then we’ll work on making a way for us to get married’ and _that asshole hasn’t ever told me that story before!_ ,” he complained, finishing with a grumpy look. “Goddammit. My memory isn’t perfect. I forget shit. He should’ve told me we were fuckin’ ENGAGED.”

Clint just rolled his eyes. “Barnes, forgive me, but do you think maybe he’s just so happy you’re back something like that wasn’t that important?”

“No, no, Steve’s just a little shit,” Bucky said resolutely. He sighed, shaking his head. “Screw it,” he said decisively, hopping up and walking across the room to steal Clint’s laptop. “I’m figuring out how you get a marriage license in the future. That asshole’s gonna marry me if I have to drag his ass there and threaten to strangle him until he says ‘I do’.” He opened the computer and flopped down on the floor, not bothering to come back to the couch. Bucky grumbled as he clicked stuff. “Already been seventy goddamn years. The hell if I’m making the engagement any longer than that,” Clint heard, making him slip into snickers at Bucky’s grumpy noises of contempt as he searched for information.

It took about twenty minutes and then Bucky shut the laptop with a grin. “C’mon, I’m going and dragging Steve to get a marriage license and tomorrow that bastard’s marrying me.”

Clint laughed, but got up and went to grab his shoes. He wasn’t gonna miss this for anything.

~

When they got to the tower, they barely made it out onto the main floor before Bucky spotted Thor and grinned. “Thor! Buddy, how’s it goin?” he asked, and Thor met them and clapped Bucky on the back.

“I am well, my friend. It is nice to see you are doing well!” He nodded to Clint. “And you! I was very pleased to return last night and find that Son of Coul is alive. You and Lady Natasha must have been most pleased.”

Clint hummed. “Yeah, something like that.”

Bucky grinned. “Hey Man, any chance you know where Steve’s hiding out?” 

Thor nodded. “I believe Captain Rogers is testing a weapon of some sort in the gym. Come! I shall take you there.”

When they got to the gym, Bucky stalked across the open space with a hardened expression of annoyance. “Hey, Rogers!” He shouted, making not just Steve, but Nat, Stark, and Bruce all turn to look at him. “You!” He pointed at the door. “You go get changed, you’ve got a promise to keep that you conveniently ‘forgot’ to tell me about.”

Steve frowned. “Bucky, what the hell are you talking about?”

Bucky pointed again. “Go get changed, find me a goddamn button, and don’t forget your ID.”

“Button, what-“ Steve stopped midsentence and a blinding smile lit up his face. “Oh my God, I forgot that!”

Bucky glowered even harder. “I’ve got an excuse to forget, you ass, you don’t! You’re the one that drove a fuckin’ plane into the ocean the minute I wasn’t there to look after you, though, so I’m not surprised you forgot with your abundance of stupid.”

Steve, still smiling so bright Clint could almost _feel_ the sunshine and _smell_ the apple pie, just strode purposefully over to Bucky and, ignoring the annoyed look on Bucky’s face or the arms crossed across Bucky’s chest, grabbed him by the hips and pulled Bucky into his arms before kissing him so forcefully that Clint wondered briefly if that ‘over dramatic’ Hollywood kisses from the forties weren’t just an actual imitation of early twentieth century kissing style.

“Uh, Clint, I’m very confused,” Thor said, and Clint laughed, slapping him on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Thor, everybody else is too,” he said, then looked at Bruce and Tony’s confused faces and nodded towards where Bucky was still not responding but not stopping Steve from kissing him sill either. “The short version of a long story is that Bucky just remembered today that they’re officially the holders of the ‘longest engagement ever’ record.”

Tony frowned. “Engagement? But being gay was illegal then-“

“Yeah, I asked about that,” Clint said, waving a hand. “Bucky said Steve decided they were gonna get engaged and just figure out how to do the marriage thing when they had time to figure that part out.”

Steve broke the kiss and turned to them all, beaming. “I was twenty-four, I was sure I was gonna love Bucky until I died, and he joked about getting engaged so I grabbed a button that had popped off one of his shirts, got on one knee, and asked him to be my fiancé until I could figure out the ‘two fellas getting married’ thing,” he boasted smiling at Bucky, who finally gave up and smiled back at him. “You remembered something even I had repressed, Buck,” he said, curling a hand around Bucky’s jaw.

Bucky shrugged. “Either way, you’re marrying me, Rogers. You’re gonna make an honest man out of me and you’re gonna do it the right way. I didn’t wake up in a future where two fellas can get married and you’re alive and waitin’ on me to go on being engaged for another decade.” He knocked Steve’s hand away and grabbed him by the wrist. “Right now. Marriage license. Get your goddamn ID and put on a jacket,” he said, dragging him towards the door. 

“You know, I could get you a real ring now, I don’t need to find a button-“

“Hell no, you’re finding me a damn button. I loved that button, so this time you’re giving me one I can put on a chain so it won’t get lost,” Bucky demanded, still dragging Steve behind him on his way out the gym. “Seriously, Rogers, you seem to be absolutely useless sometimes. No fuckin’ clue why you have any friends at all. What the hell did you do for all those years without me to make you stop being stupid.”

Clint just laughed as Bucky berated Steve all the way out the door. When they were gone he turned back to the others and shrugged. “Should we plan them some kinda party for when they get married tomorrow?” he asked and Tony turned to him with a downright scary smile.

Bruce interrupted and slapped a hand over Tony’s mouth before he could talk. “Sure, Clint. That sounds like a good idea. 

Thor chuckled. “To make sure I understand… men could not marry in their time, but they can now, so they are… marrying?” he asked, and Clint nodded, slapping him on the shoulder.

“Exactly.” He made a face. “Well, men can marry men _here_ , but most other places they can’t. Women can’t marry women either. They’re just lucky that in New York anybody can marry anybody now.”

Thor hummed. “How strange. I have never heard of such a rule. Why should men not marry men if they so desire?” he asked, looking confused.

(Adorably so if you asked Clint. Thor always kind of looked like a puppy. He made faces like a two-eyed Lucky a lot of the time.)

“Cause people suck sometimes?” Tony suggested, then shrugged. “Whatever, PARTY!” he cried, throwing his arms up.

Thor brightened up. “Yes! We must feast for our friends’ happiness!”

~

Even restricted to Avengers and the new version of SHIELD agents (since apparently Tony and Phil had been working together while Clint as avoiding him), Stark knew how to throw a party. As soon as the pastor that married Steve and Bucky left the tower, Stark brought out the booze and invited up the SHIELD personnel who hadn’t come for the small ceremony (seriously, it was just the Avengers and Pepper standing around in Steve’s living room) and the party got started on Stark’s main floor.

When Clint finally got around to hugging Bucky and clapping Steve on the shoulder, Bucky looked smug as hell and Steve just seemed blindingly happy. “So, been married for half an hour, how’s it feel?” he asked and Bucky just grinned, hooking his arm around Steve’s waist.

“Like the best ‘I told you so’ ever,” he said and Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. 

A girl came up to them and smiled. “Hey guys! I don’t think you know me, but I wanted to congratulate the happy couple!” she said brightly, gesturing with what seemed to be her very own bottle of wine. She glanced at Clint, then did a double take. “Holy shit, you’re AC’s picture dude!” 

Clint frowned. “None of that made any sense.” He glanced at Bucky and Steve, who shook their heads and shrugged respectively.

She flapped a hand. “No, no, like his _picture dude_!” she stressed. “Coulson. He’s got pictures of a dude and a lady in his office. You’re the dude.”

It slowly dawned on Clint what she was talking about. “Oh, you must be on Director Coulson’s team.” He nodded. “The girl, I’m assuming she’s a redhead?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I tried looking at the pictures closer but he got all twitchy about it. I just noticed your face cause hers had hair in front of it some.” She slapped him on the shoulder. “This is awesome! I love meeting some of AC’s old teammates.” She leaned closer. “Tell me something, bro to bro,” she said. “Has Coulson always been so mopey? It’s like as soon as he stopped trying to be scary, he got all mopey. He just sits at his desk, sighing dramatically like some Victorian novel heroine or something.” She looked over Clint’s shoulder. “Oh heeeeeey AC! I swear I’m not asking your old buddy about all your dirty secrets,” she said, then clapped Steve on the shoulder and turned to leave in a flash.

Clint barely had time to turn his head before Phil approached, clearing his throat some. “Barton,” he greeted, and Clint saluted mockingly.

“Director Coulson,” he said before turning and walking off before Phil could say anything more. “I’m going to hit the bar, guys, I’ll see you when I’m less sober.” He heard Bucky chuckled darkly and Steve sigh at his behavior, but Clint really didn’t give a shit.

He didn’t actually drink much (he wasn’t a fun drunk), he just didn’t want to be around Phil. He did, however, drink enough that when he saw Bucky tugging at Steve’s hand and trying to drag him to the dance floor (that was mostly dominated by Pepper and Bruce dancing together and laughing when Bruce stumbled after Pepper) he got up and walked over. “Barnes! I’ll give you your wedding present early if you talk Steve into dancing with you!” he proclaimed and Steve glared at him.

“I. Don’t. Dance,” he said sternly.

Bucky smirked and turned to Steve. “Awwww, Stevie, Baby,” he purred, curling his hands around Steve’s hips, leaning into his space. “I’ll make ‘em play a slow one? C’mon, just one dance?” Steve glowered and Bucky lowered his eyes, looking at Steve’s collar, picking at his top button. “Steve… All them times we went dancing with girls from the neighborhood, all I ever wanted was to dance with you.” He looked up, eyes wide. “And now we’re _married_ ,” he said with a tiny smile. “Stevie, you married me. You still won’t dance with me? Just once and I won’t ask you again.”

Steve sighed, shoulders slumping. “Bucky, I don’t dance-“

“Slow one. Just once. Won’t try and make you do nothin’ fancy,” Bucky said, sliding his hands around to pull Steve close, chest to chest.

Steve groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. “Goddammit. I literally just watched you get dared to do this by Clint and I’m still fallin’ for it. You are too damn good at being manipulative-“

“Manipulative my ass, you love me, that’s not manipulation, it’s appealing to my beautiful, wonderful husband’s big heart,” Bucky said with a small grin. “Just one, I promise.”

Steve glowered. “Just one, Bucky, I mean it,” he said, and Clint whooped, throwing his hands up.

“YES! It worked!” he said, then turned and grabbed an empty water bottle from the table beside him to throw across the room at Stark, who yelped when it smacked him in the neck. “Stark! Put on a slow song for the newlyweds’ first dance!”

Tony laughed. “You heard the man, J!”

Clint watched as Bucky tugged Steve away from where they were standing and walked backwards as he guided Steve onto the dance floor. “The last time I danced was when you taught me how when we were about eighteen. You and Ma tried to show me by dancing around the living room, but when that didn’t help, you grabbed me up and started dragging me around the living room and she laughed at us like we were the best thing she’d seen all day,” Steve said just loud enough that Clint heard it, even if most of the others didn’t.

Bucky grinned, curling one arm around Steve’s waist, catching Steve’s hand with his other. “Wanna know something, Steve?” He winked. “I’m pretty sure your Ma had a pretty good idea how I looked at you and didn’t really mind too bad.”

Clint’s heart clenched when he saw Steve smile sadly and nod. “Yeah, looking back, I had a pretty good idea she knew where we were heading. Pretty sure she wouldn’t mind at all that we’ve ended up married.”

Clint snorted and called out, “Pretty sure your mom would be glad you two aren’t living in sin anymore, Steve. Now stop moping and dance! You’re just standing there!”

Steve glared over Bucky’s shoulder at Steve when Bucky tugged him around and started leading him in a dance. “I hate you, Barton,” Steve called, then turned back to Bucky, who said something that must’ve been dirty since Steve blushed and ducked his head. 

After a few ‘awww’s from those watching them dance, others started joining them. Clint sat smiling at the way Steve laid his head on Bucky’s shoulder, slumping into Bucky’s arms some, eyes shut as they pretty much just swayed and hugged rather than danced. When the song ended, however, Steve didn’t pull away before the next started and they ended up staying out. Clint’s smile dimmed some when someone spoke behind him. “Clint.”

Clint sighed, turning to look at Phil. “Yes?”

Phil gave him a polite smile. “Dance with me?” he asked, and Clint raised an eyebrow.

“You seriously think I’m going to dance with you?” he asked, and Phil nodded.

“I do,” he said calmly. “Because it’s a party and dancing happens at parties quite often. I won’t apologize again, I won’t bring up asking you to join SHIELD, I won’t even talk if you don’t want me to. Besides, I know you like dancing,” he accused playfully and Clint rolled his eyes, but in spite of himself, he held out his hand.

“Fine, but only because I’m too happy for my friends to let you ruin my evening,” he said without pulling his punches at all. Phil’s eyes showed hurt for a moment but he took Clint’s hand and followed him to join the others in dancing. Clint raised an eyebrow, hands held up. “Um, how do we-“ Phil chuckled and put one hand on Clint’s waist, grabbing his other hand, leaving Clint to rest his free hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Oh, okay, that works.”

Phil smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I always got stuck dancing with Natasha on missions where we needed to dance.”

Clint shrugged. “I’ve never danced with another man, so I wasn’t sure what the etiquette for that was.”

Phil flinched some. “Oh. I’m sorry. I just assumed-“

“Nah,” Clint said with a shake of his head before turning his head away some, stepping closer so he was looking over Phil’s shoulder rather than at him.

“Can I ask…?” Phil started, and Clint chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“It was pretty much only ever you and women, Phil.” Phil tensed some and Clint sighed. “Phil, there is nothing left for me to hide, you know my secret, lying about it isn’t going to do any good now.”

Phil cleared his throat some. “Sorry, I just assumed- well, you know.”

“That I’m fully bisexual?” Clint asked. He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. “I may find men attractive sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I want to kiss them.” 

Phil turned some, whispering as his cheek pressed against Clint’s. “Then what was I in that?”

Clint swallowed hard, smiling sadly over Phil’s shoulder. “I wanted to kiss you because I loved you, Phil. Not because I was attracted to men in general.” Phil didn’t respond and when the song ended, Clint slipped away some. “I need some air,” he mumbled as he turned and headed towards the terrace, hoping to find solace for just a moment so he could gather his thoughts.

What he didn’t count on was Phil following him. “Clint, I’m sorry if that was overstepping-“

Clint groaned, head dropping to where his arms were crossed on the railing. “What has given you any idea I want you to keep bothering me about this?” he asked, standing up to glare over at Phil, who leaned on the railing next to him.

Phil smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, I just want to understand.”

Clint gave him a flat look. “What is there to understand, Coulson? I’m starting to get some idea you’re doing this on purpose. What’s your goal with me, Phil? Are you trying to piss me off bad enough I join your team out of spite?”

Phil shook his head. “No, I promise you, I’m not trying to upset you-“

“Your promises mean shit to me, you realize this, right?” Clint interrupted and Phil sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

“I want to understand how you apparently loved me for a long time and I never noticed when I knew you better than anybody in the world and we spent so much of our lives together.” He shook his head. “Everything we went through, how did it never come up? How is it not something we ever dealt with-“

“Because it wasn’t your problem!” Clint argued. “I can’t help I fell in love with you. I didn’t choose to. It’s not like I wanted to love you. My entire life would’ve been easier if I didn’t.”

Phil shook his head. “Why did it take me dying to bring this up, though?” He looked out at the skyline and laughed humorlessly. “So many years. So fucking many.”

Clint made a face. “What the fuck are you talking about? It’s pretty obvious why I never brought it up. I didn’t mean to bring it up when I did, I was just really thrown by the dead guy I used to know in front of me.”

Phil shook his head, smiling bitterly still. “You were married _three times_ -“

“Hey, it was only two women, one was just twice-“

“You were _married_ to women _three times_ in the eighteen years I knew you,” Phil stressed.

Clint shrugged. “I’m good at falling in love, I’m just shitty at staying in love.” He grimaced. “Well with women, anyways,” he said bitterly. 

Phil put his face in his hands. “Clint. Exactly how long were you in love with me?”

“I don’t even know.” Clint shook his head. “Years. I realized it in…” He frowned, thinking. “Was it Guatamala? The time you got shot in ’99,” he said and Phil let out a hoarse laugh, shaking his head.

“That was Honduras, but you were close.” He looked down at his hands. “You got married the first time in 2005.”

Clint nodded. “Yep, divorced a few months later, married to another person in ‘07, divorced a few months later, then married Bobbi again right after I got divorced, then divorced again in ‘08.” He looked at Phil. “My question is, what does that have to do with you and me?”

Phil looked down at his hands. “I never did learn my lesson about having feelings for co-workers. Nothing ever happened, but when we were in our twenties, Melinda and I were together so much we both wanted to start a relationship, we cared about each other and we spent all our time together. I think the fact that we loved each other, even though it wasn’t with the passion a relationship needs, is the reason working with her now is so easy. I trust her. Even when she betrayed me, I know she’ll always have my back. She’s my oldest friend and the history we have is just part of who we are.” He looked back into the windows at the party for a moment, Clint presumed looking at May. “When we got promoted differently and stopped working together, I had trouble trusting others so I made a pact that no matter what, I’d never let myself get so close to my coworkers. Again, I fucked up royally by somehow building a little family with you and Natasha and again now with the team I have. The one thing I have always managed to do was _not_ date a coworker. And there was only one person I would’ve broken that rule for if I had any suggestion I could have had what I wanted, because what I wanted felt like it could actually surpass my job in importance.” 

Clint frowned. “Wow, are you really giving me some lecture on marrying a co-worker-“

“I watched you marry women who didn’t appreciate you, who didn’t know what they had,” Phil said, looking down at his shoes, avoiding Clint’s eyes. “They didn’t know how incredible of a man you are.” He smiled bitterly, eyes shining as he looked into the windows at the party going on once more. “I loved Audrey. I loved her more than I thought I ever could, because you know what?” He stood straight and adjusted his cuffs. “Clint, I started dating Audrey because I realized I was wasting my life and decided it was beyond time I move on and get over you.”

Clint felt Phil’s words like a kick in the chest. He opened and closed his mouth helplessly, trying to form a word, any word, instead of just breaths as he watched Phil walk away and head back to the party. Clint turned back around, hands gripping the rail in front of him as he fought to keep his knees from giving out.

~

Clint wasn’t sure how long it was before the party ended, because he didn’t go back. He snuck up to the roof and sat on the edge, looking out at the city for God only knows how long. He thought about everything, every moment he and Phil had ever shared, every second together that he could remember. He didn’t know how to process what Phil told him the night before.

Clint was watching the sun rise, the bright, orange rays leaving blue spots in his vision, when he heard the door to the roof shutting. He tensed, almost fearing it might be Phil for a moment, but he heard a familiar groan – he always groaned when he stretched – and a moment later Bucky plopped down beside him. “Now what are you doing up on the roof?” Bucky asked, and Clint chuckled.

“I’d ask the same of you but I’m more confused about what you’re doing _awake_ this early,” he said and Bucky gave him a filthy smirk.

“Who says I’ve slept at all?” he asked and Clint made a face.

“Ew, things I didn’t need to picture,” he said, then chuckled. “In that case, what the hell are you doing on the roof, not snuggling with your husband?” he asked, and Bucky ducked his head, smiling ridiculously bright, looking down at his lap before looking up at the sun, squinting some against the glare.

“Apparently not even married morning sex is enough to tempt Steve from going running,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Clint grimaced. “Ew, morning runs. Why would anybody do that?”

Bucky gave him a small smile. “Pretty sure after only a few years of it, Steve’s not tired of being able to run like that yet.” He yawned. “So. What’re you up here for?” He nudged shoulders with Clint. “Didn’t see you when we were leaving the party. You okay?”

“Nah,” Clint dismissed. “I don’t wanna ruin your high. You’re a newlywed! Don’t wanna bring you down.”

Bucky chuckled. “Oh come on. I got a metal button on a chain and signed a paper sayin’ I promise to do the things I’ve did for decades. It’s not that big of a deal.” He poked him in the leg. “Now spill.”

Clint laughed humorlessly, looking up at the sky. “You will _never_ guess what Coulson told me last night.”

Bucky glowered. “Want me to kill him?” he asked, and Clint looked at him. Bucky must’ve seen how wrecked Clint really was because he sobered up some. “Clint? You okay?”

“He told me that he started dating Audrey because, after watching me going after women who didn’t ‘appreciate what they had’, he decided it was time he get on with his life and get over me,” Clint said and Bucky’s jaw clenched when he raised an eyebrow.

“You tellin’ me that bastard was fuckin’ in love with you too and never did a damn thing about it even though you were through the fuckin’ roof over him?” Bucky demanded and Clint snorted.

“He says he didn’t know he had a chance with me,” he said bitterly. Clint put his face in his hands. “God, Bucky. How did I never see it? I know I hid it as well as I could so I’m not too shocked he didn’t know how I felt, but how did I miss _him_? Sure, he’s good.” Clint chuckled. “Phil’s a _master_ at deception. But the thing is, I know his tells. I knew his tells, anyways.” Clint flopped back onto the roof, arm out by his sides. “How is this real life?”

Bucky reached out and patted his shoulder. “I’m real sorry, Pal,” he said sincerely. He grimaced. “Shit, and here I am rubbing it in your face I married my fella-“

“No,” Clint said, sitting up halfway, propping on one elbow. “You’re not rubbing nothing in my face. I’m damn happy for you guys,” he urged. “You two are a living example of all that fairytale crap people like me could lose faith in. I’m terrible at love.” He smiled proudly. “It’s amazing to see love work like with you and Steve.”

Bucky looked away, rubbing at his neck, a big smile he seemed to be trying to contain spreading across his lips. “I’m so damn grateful every day,” Bucky said, voice full of wonder. “I could’ve been in your spot real easy, and I’m not trying to make you feel down on yourself, Pal, I’m not,” he said quickly. He shook his head at Clint. “I’d have did what you did. I’d have gone on loving Steve and never telling him. I’d have married some girl I didn’t really love the right way. I’d have had kids, did the right thing, and all the while, I’d have been still loving Steve in my heart and my mind and never telling a soul.” He shrugged. “Difference is, Steve’s a dumbass who didn’t give a shit about the fact he could’ve got _killed_ for loving me, cause he’s a fearless shithead who doesn’t have a brain in his head,” he said and Clint couldn’t help but laugh at him. Bucky grinned at him. “Point is, I fell in love with a dumb son of a bitch and was shitty at hiding it. Only reason I didn’t do just like you is cause you fell in love with a smart man and you’re better at hiding how you feel.” He sobered a little and pulled out his necklace, holding it up. “This? This is just sheer dumb luck.” He shook his head. “You ain’t did nothing wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just life, and life can be a real bitch.”

Clint nodded. “Yeah, she really can.” He groaned, rubbing a hand through his hair. “I just- I don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t feel much of anything except hurt.” He shook his head. “For about a _decade_ , the man I loved loved me back, Bucky. All the time I wanted him and knew I couldn’t have him, he wanted me right back.” He swallowed hard, biting his lip. “He wanted me enough he’d have broken his own ‘rule’ about dating other SHIELD agents to be with me. I had- I had a chance. I had a chance and-“

“And you were smart about it,” Bucky argued. “Look, it sucks. Don’t get me wrong. I hate it for you. I hate that you two weren’t able to have your time together.” He shook his head. “But you played it smart. You didn’t take an unnecessary chance and you did the smart thing. That’s not _bad_.” He rubbed his shoulder. “You didn’t do nothin’ wrong, Clint. Sometimes- sometimes things just don’t work out.”

Clint ignored the burning in his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Seems to be the story of my life.”

~

When Steve returned, Bucky and Clint were eating breakfast with a supremely hung-over Tony and a smug Bruce who kept making loud noises on purpose just to watch Tony turn almost as green as he had a tendency to turn. “I hate you. Why did I adopt you? You suck,” Tony moaned, and Bucky just chuckled at his pain.

Steve announced himself by sighing dramatically on his way through the door. “Bucky, you’re being rude.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh really? You wanna go there?” he asked flatly. “And what did you do when I’d be curled up on the couch with a hangover, huh, Stevie?”

Steve took a swig of water and turned to Bucky with wide, innocent eyes. “Bucky,” he said in a far too gentle tone. “Lying is wrong, you know-“

“Oh bullshit,” Bucky laughed. “You can’t do innocent to save your life, you little shit. You’d bang around as much as you could to fuck with me cause you found it amusing I got hangovers and you didn’t.” He looked at Clint and hooked a thumb at Steve. “That little shit had everything in the goddamn world wrong with him, near bout died every time he walked past an open window, yet he never got hangovers.”

Steve chuckled. “Probably because two beers put me on my ass and if there’s one thing you always did, it was make sure I had clean water to drink every spare minute you had,” he accused. “You were always so worried I’d come down with a fever at any moment so you’d nag me about keeping hydrated even if I’d just had soup, water, and walked in the rain so that even my _fingernails_ were waterlogged-“

“Yeah, well, look what thanks I got for putting you first all the time,” Bucky said. “You fucked with me when I got a hangover and you didn’t.”

Steve shrugged as he walked past. “‘S what you get for babying me so much-“

Bucky grabbed Steve around the waist and tugged hard enough that Steve yelped and fell over, landing straddling Bucky’s lap. Bucky just smirked. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll show you babying, Baby,” he flirted, winking at Steve.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Bucky that was bad even for your standards.”

Bucky shrugged, hands resting on Steve’s lower back. “You’re the dummy that married me, what’s that say about your decision making skills?”

Steve bit his lip, ducking his head as he tried not to smile as ridiculously as Clint knew he would in just a minute. “Guess we’re sharing all that stupid,” Steve muttered and Bucky tilted his chin up to peck Steve’s lips.

Clint grimaced. “Going by the members of our lovely breakfast, I’d say we all share a special brand of stupid,” he said, and Bruce gave him a dramatic pout. Clint rolled his eyes. “You’re best friends with Tony Stark, you have an extra dose of stupid,” he accused and Tony moaned pitifully.

Clint assumed it was a dissent.

“Speaking of sharing,” Bucky said, looking at Clint when he finally let Steve stand up and sit in his own chair. “You said you had a wedding present for us and then you skipped out,” he accused.

Clint grinned. “Well, it’s yours if you want it, but don’t feel obligated,” he said, glancing at Steve. “I know you have your place here and all, but I figured, since I know how much Bucky likes my place and my dog, I’d let you guys know there’s an empty apartment just opened up a few weeks ago in my building.” He shrugged. “Just say the word and it’s yours, free of charge.”

Bucky brightened up. “Fuck yeah!” he said, throwing a fist in the air. “Well-“ He stopped and looked at Steve. “If you want to. I mean, I know how much you’ve got going on here, and you being closer to the others if they need you-“

“Bucky,” Steve said warmly, reaching out to grab his hand. “I know how much Clint’s place means to you. Besides,” he said, shrugging. “Brooklyn’s always gonna be home.”

“God, I lucked out,” Bucky blurted out. “You, Stevie. Just… _you_ ,” he stressed, leaning across the gap to kiss Steve, free hand curling around Steve’s jaw. 

Clint beamed. “So is that a yes on the apartment?” he asked, and Bucky looked at Steve, who nodded at Clint. “Sweet! I don’t have to haul Lucky all the way to Manhattan to visit his buddy.”

Bucky winked. “Still gonna have sex on your couch, just for the sake of it,” he warned and Clint glared.

“Why you gotta be like that?” he demanded and Bucky just blew him a kiss, making Steve snicker behind him. 

~

Bucky and Steve moved into one of the apartments on the floor below Clint’s, and immediately Clint ended up leaning over the rail of the stairs to watch Lucky running down to Bucky, who just saluted Clint and took Lucky inside to meet Steve, even before they finished moving their furniture in. (It really didn’t take long between Thor and Steve; Sam and Bucky mostly ‘supervised’.)

By the time they’d finished moving Steve’s furniture in and got the rest of the boxes piled up, Clint’s neighbors had all come to meet the new people in the building and, as soon as Bucky and Steve tossed the last boxes on their bed, the neighbors proclaimed it time to party and dragged them up to the roof. Thor particularly found it amusing that everyone in the building chose to gather on the roof for their social gathering. Clint had to move his targets – which lead to explaining to Steve that pretty much all his tenants knew he was Hawkeye and basically none of them cared – for someone to set up a table full of food. 

(Things still didn’t feel right when Clint would look over and see someone who wasn’t Grills making burgers. From the sad glances that direction, he knew he wasn’t the only one amongst his neighbors that still missed him.)

They ended up getting an unexpected visit from Tony and Bruce, which only made it even more amusing that Clint’s tenants were so unfazed by the presence of so many of the Avengers. Most of them didn’t even give a shit that it was _Tony Stark_ who had taken over the stereo and was flipping through stations. Steve seemed to love it. He seemed surprised and ecstatic about the way that nobody looked at him as Captain America, he was just ‘our new friend Steve’.

Clint was leaning against the beer table when Sam stopped beside him. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Steve look happy like that.” He took a sip of his beer. “Sure he was happier than I’d ever seen when Barnes showed up that day after he’d been living with you, but this? He looks content and Steve Rogers isn’t a man I’ve ever seen look anything near content.”

Clint smiled and looked at Sam. “He’s moved into a very modest apartment where nobody treats him like Captain America after marrying the man he’s loved for longer than his lifetime should’ve been.” He raised an eyebrow. “Pretty sure this is as close to his fantasy life as he ever could get.”

Sam shrugged. “Yeah, not gonna argue there.” He glanced at Clint. “You did good, man,” he congratulated and then walked back over to talk to some people. 

Clint just watched his friends - super hero and civilian, neighbor and deity – all interacting and realized with a heavy heart that he was happier in that moment than he had been in a very long time.

~

When Clint let himself into Steve and Bucky’s apartment – they left the door open most of the time if they were home during the day in case Lucky wanted to come visit – and was amused to see that Lucky was sprawled out on the floor beside Bucky, who was lying on the couch watching a movie with one hand lazily dangling over the edge to pet Lucky.

“Well it’s nice to see where your loyalties lie, Pizza Dog,” Clint said and Bucky smirked without taking his eyes off the TV.

“He knows a bionic arm doesn’t get too tired for belly rubs,” he said and Clint chuckled as he hopped over the back of the couch and shoved Bucky’s legs out of the way before settling with them in his lap. “Steve’ll be home soon if you wanna stick around. Think he’s gonna make spaghetti,” Bucky offered, watching the movie the whole time.

“Bucky- oh hey, Clint.”

Bucky gestured at Steve in the doorway. “See, told ya he’d be home soon.”

Clint laughed. “Soon was like immediate,” he said, then looked at where Bucky still hadn’t took his eyes off the screen. “Dude, what movie even is this to have you so enthralled?”

Steve came around the couch and nudged Bucky until he sat up just long enough for Steve so sit on the opposite end from Clint. Bucky then settled back so that he was tucked under Steve’s arm, curling his legs up so that he could tuck his toes under Clint’s thigh. Clint could never get over how physically affectionate Bucky and Steve were and how comfortable they were with being so in front of others in spite of a lifetime pre-freezing of hiding from other people.

“Ah, now I get it,” Steve said, chuckling as he pressed his lips to Bucky’s temple affectionately. “Your favorite movie.”

Bucky shushed him. “And it’s almost over, so hush,” he said.

Clint really looked at the screen and realized what movie it was. “Dude, Bucky, your favorite movie is Casablanca-“

“SHHH!” Bucky flapped a hand at Clint, who just stared at him and raised an eyebrow. Steve met his eyes over Bucky’s head and rolled his eyes. Bucky watched the last few minutes with a _damp eyed smile_ and spoke along to the last line, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." He sighed heavily and smiled some as they disappeared into the fog.

Clint just blinked at him. “Your favorite movie… is _Casablanca_.”

Bucky rolled his eyes at Clint. “You watch _Dance Moms_ , Barton,” he accused.

Steve smiled and tilted his head. “It’s his favorite movie because he had the biggest crush on Ingrid Bergman _and_ Humphrey Bogart.” He winked. “And because it’s the last one we saw together and Bucky’s a sap.”

Bucky huffed. “Not my fault I got drafted and spent a few months in Basic,” he grumbled. “Besides,” he said, looking at Clint. “Gotta be honest, that’s a damn good movie.”

Clint nodded. “Yeah, I’d say so. It’s been named the best movie of all times ever by a dozen different groups and stuff.” He chuckled. “Admit it, you cry over romance movies, don’t you?” he teased.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Steve doesn’t let me watch modern romance movies cause apparently they got sadder over time.” He nodded at the screen, which had gone back to a DVD main menu page. “Gotta say though, I loved this one the first time I saw it, but since then, I’ve _twice_ thought I’d ended up in Victor’s shoes.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Uh, what the hell? You’re the only person I’ve ever been with, how could you be Victor?”

Bucky sat up some and looked at him, eyebrow raised. “I was in Europe for five months, didn’t get a single letter, then you rescued me and I saw you with Peggy and I realized you must’ve thought I was dead and had moved on to her. Ilsa didn’t cheat on her husband, she thought he died and she fell in love again. Therefore, I thought I was Victor.”

Steve gaped. “You never told me you _actually_ thought me and Peggy-“

“Well everybody else did and I heard all about your dramatic love story! Not my fault my head wasn’t screwed on straight around then,” Bucky defended. 

“I’m _gay_ -“

“And I still thought you might’ve fallen for a beautiful and incredible person who just happened to be a woman,” Bucky explained. “It’s not the craziest thing that’s happened, by far.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “What’s the second one? You said you thought you were Victor twice.”

“Sam-“

“ _Sam_?!” Steve cried in surprise and Bucky scoffed.

“Oh come on, you liked him,” Bucky accused. “I know all about how you and him met and flirted and all that stuff. If you hadn’t seen that I was alive, we both know you’d have gone after something with Sam.”

Steve blushed. “I- Well, he’s attractive and didn’t care I was Captain America and I maybe _considered_ -“

Clint cleared his throat. “Steve, trust me, everybody’s ‘considered’ Sam. Hell, a hardcore lesbian would still stop to think about ‘well, maybe’ with Sam.”

Bucky nodded seriously. “Sam’s damn attractive, that’s for sure,” he said and Steve shot him a flat look. “What? Stevie, I never said it bothered me you were totally originally interested in Sam as a potential fella and just ended up going with friend instead,” he soothed, curling his metal fingers through Steve’s. He smiled sadly. “I was actually pretty upset to discover you hadn’t gone out with _anybody_ in the years since you woke up. It’d been a long time since I died. I asked Clint and when he said you hadn’t been out with anybody, I realized you must’ve been still hurting all that time.”

Steve gave a shaky smile. “Bucky, I loved you since I was a kid, it was going to keep hurting as long as I was alive, even if I did meet someone else.” He leaned in and kissed Bucky’s temple. “I’m so happy I got as lucky as Ilsa without the complications of a Rick in this scenario.”

Clint sighed heavily. “Apparently I’m somehow both Ilsa and Rick all rolled into one, so you better be happy. Lucky bastard.”

Steve frowned and Bucky kicked Clint some. “First off, don’t be jealous, and second, Stevie isn’t in on your drama so don’t say nothin’ you don’t want him hearing.” He smiled at Steve. “Sorry, Steve, but it’s b-f-f stuff.”

“God forbid I interrupt your ‘b-f-f’ stuff,” Steve teased before sliding out from under Bucky and standing. “I’ll go start dinner and let you go on with your gossiping. Also, remind me to smack Tony for teaching you ‘b-f-f’.”

Bucky leaned over the arm of the couch and smiled up at Steve. “Thank you, Sweetheart, I promise I still love you more.”

Steve just rolled his eyes and laughed as he walked off towards the kitchen, smiling at Bucky’s behavior as he went.

~

Clint jogged down to Bucky and Steve’s apartment and was met with the sight of Bucky and Lucky both sitting side by side on the floor in front of the couch watching the news. “Hey Bucky? Why are you watching CNN?” he asked. “Didn’t Stark tell you and Steve both to lay off network news and stick to newspapers?”

Bucky shot him a flat look. “And you think I listen to Stark?” he asked, turning back to the scream with a soft sound. “Besides, newspapers don’t have _him_ ,” he said, and Lucky barked as if agreeing. Bucky smirked and ruffled his hair. “See? Lucky appreciates a handsome man on TV just as much as I do.”

Clint looked to see who was on the screen and huffed. “Anderson Cooper is not that handsome, I don’t know what you people see in him-“

“Bullshit,” Bucky said flatly. “That’s someone who is bitter talking.” He smirked at the screen. “That man is damn fine and you know it.”

Clint sighed and flopped onto the couch. “Unfortunately, you’re not wrong about the bitterness.” He cringed. “It’s really petty-“

“Shocker,” Bucky muttered and Clint smacked at his shoulder.

“Shut up. Anyways, Anderson Cooper totally asked Phil out one time right in front of me.” Bucky’s head whipped around and Clint raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You mean that gorgeous man _swings my way_?! Damn,” Bucky said, slapping his knee. “Should’ve waited on getting married.”

Clint laughed. “Yeah, I can see that going over well. ‘Steve, we’ll get married next week, first I have to go screw Anderson Cooper!’”

Bucky smirked. “He’d probably have killed me,” he joked and Clint nodded. “But seriously. Coulson?” he asked, and Clint grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Anderson Cooper always managed to get in our way when shit went down, and Phil is the unassuming one who deals with people without seeming at all threatening. Well, apparently Anderson Cooper likes competent and professional middle aged men just as much as I did, cause when they got through signing all the usual ‘I didn’t see anything, I swear’ papers, he looked right at Phil and went ‘So, what’re the chances you’d let me buy you a drink sometime?’ and I swear to God, for a split second I thought about shooting him, because Phil had such a badass-crush on him and I really thought even though Phil – to my knowledge – was straight, he might say yes.”

“I did say yes, actually,” said a voice behind Clint and he jumped so hard he smacked his elbow on the couch.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Clint cried and Bucky and Lucky both startled, jerking to look at the door.

Steve was standing there with Coulson at his side and an apologetic look on his face. “Sorry to frighten you guys.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Steve, but Steve just shook his head and walked in. “Yeah, sure, invite him into our place, don’t mind me, I’ll just go sharpen my knives,” he said, giving Coulson a dark look as he followed Steve inside.

Steve just fixed a smile on his face and looked at Coulson. “So you actually went on a date with Anderson Cooper?” he asked, smirking. “Handsome fella.”

Coulson nodded. “Yes, but while he was waiting on me that evening, I saw him meet his eventual partner so I went for a drink and then politely let him know I wasn’t interested in anything further since I’d seen how he reacted with the other man.”

“Probably for the best,” Bucky said with a sarcastic grin. “Journalists are about as observant as spies so he’d see through the bullshit and realized how much of an asshole you are-“

“Bucky!” Steve hissed. 

“What?” Bucky asked, gesturing at Coulson. “I don’t like the bastard, I don’t like him in my house, and you know me, I don’t sugar coat it.”

Clint shot Bucky a sad smile. “Bucky, it’s complicated, don’t decide you dislike him just because of me-“

“I’d think he’s an asshole for not letting you and Romanov know he’s alive even if you’d just been coworkers, Barton. Even if you weren’t my friend, I’d think he’s an asshole,” Bucky argued. “I’ll overlook all the complicated shit, but nothing will ever erase you sitting there looking at that damn picture and crying in front of me!” He pointed at Coulson. “Knowing that bastard right there was alive all that time and you fuckin’ thought your friend was _dead_ just because he was being a lying asshole?” He shook his head. “I’m not gonna overlook that.” He stood up and glared at Coulson as he stalked around the couch and left the apartment, Lucky ambling after him as he went.

Clint sighed and put a hand over his face in embarrassment. Steve cringed. “I’m sorry about him,” he apologized. “It’s just he doesn’t have much of a tolerance for people hurting his friends, and Clint’s been a really good friend to him and I promise I’m not getting into any of whatever is going on, I’m neutral, but well…” He shrugged. “Bucky’s gonna be on Clint’s side for good now.”

Clint stood up. “Don’t worry, I’ll go make sure he isn’t slashing your tires,” he said, walking past Phil without meeting his eyes as he exited the apartment.

~

Clint heard a knock at the door and looked up from where he was laying with Lucky sprawled across his lap. “It’s open!” he called, and he was surprised to see Steve walk in. “Hey, Bucky’s not here,” he said apologetically. Steve generally called Clint to come down to their place instead of came up to knock if they needed him. Usually he only came up when Bucky was hiding there after they had an argument and Steve wanted to apologize (Or drag Bucky home and yell some more.)

Steve chuckled. “Trust me, I know.” He nodded at Lucky. “Two things, first- how is Lucky with cats? Second, where’s the closest vet?”

Clint raised an eyebrow. “What happened?”

Steve started to answer, then ducked his head with a slightly dopey look. “You should really just come look,” he said, then turned and left, trusting Clint to follow.

Clint sighed and shuffled Lucky off. “Well, by the sound of it, you’re gonna have a new pet to share Bucky with. Don’t start fights cause it’ll be hard to get the blood out of your fur after their cat beats the shit out of you,” he said and Lucky just barked as if he was offended by Clint’s words.

When he got to the door to Bucky and Steve’s place, however, he was met by the sound of _tiny_ meows coming from the kitchen. He followed Steve and as soon as Steve stepped back, he saw a teensy little kitten shuffling across a towel on the table Bucky was sitting at. “Holy hell, I’ve apparently never seen an actual baby cat,” Clint blurted out. 

Bucky looked up at him, his brow furrowed. “She’s real young,” he said, leaning closer to look at the kitten. She was solid gray except for the tips of her ears and the end of her tail, all of which were black. “Her eyes are open but she can’t really walk right,” Bucky said, gently stroking a fingertip down her back. “You know where a vet is? She’s starving and we don’t have an eyedropper to give her milk.”

Clint ran a hand over his hair, ruffling it as he thought. “Shit, I don’t remember the number. There’s one a few blocks away, though. I’m sure they’d see you if you just showed up since it’s kind of an emergency.”

Bucky nodded, shoving at a strand of hair that had fallen from the hair-tie and was hanging in his eyes as he leaned close to the kitten. “Don’t worry, Sweetheart, I know you’re hungry, but I’ll get you something soon, I promise,” he murmured and Clint raised an eyebrow at Steve, who shrugged, holding his hands up.

“I have no idea,” he said in a low voice. “Never seen him around cats.”

Clint looked back at Bucky and watched as he ever so gently scooped the _extremely loud_ little kitten up and cradled her in his palm, stroking her head with the other hand as he brought her closer to his chest. “Right, well… can you remember these directions or do I need to write it down?” he asked Steve before telling him where to go.

Almost as soon as Clint finished, Bucky stood up, kitten held protectively against his chest, and tossed Steve the keys to the apartment. “C’mon, I’ve got a baby starving to death, let’s go.”

~

Two days later found Clint and Lucky both watching interestedly as Bucky sat on the floor with a pillow on his crossed legs, a tiny baby bottle in his right hand, and his left hand stroking the back of the teensy kitten ravenously drinking milk out of the bottle Bucky gave her. “Yeah, that’s my girl,” Bucky muttered, seemingly forgetting he was being watched. “You eat up, Honey, you’ll be big and strong in no time,” he encouraged. Clint watched the entire time she ate (Lucky wandered off, clearly unimpressed by bottle feeding) right up until Bucky took the now empty bottle and sat it aside before giving her a positively _proud_ beam. “Look at you! You drink like a champ, Sweetheart!” He leaned over and kissed her fuzzy little head. “Daddy’s proud of you, you know. You’re such a good little girl.”

“Okay, it’s officially getting creepy,” Clint said, and Bucky looked up, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” he asked and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Bucky, you do realize that’s just a cat, right? Not your firstborn child?” he asked and Bucky gave him an offended huff, cradling the kitten against his chest.

“Stella is not ‘just a cat’!” he defended a bit more harshly than Clint was expecting. “You heard what the vet told me and Steve, she could’ve _died_ but now look at her? She’s eating like a horse and she doesn’t even cry like she did the first night, she’s already starting to feel safe.” He made kissy noises as he stroked her tiny ears. “Stella, you don’t listen to him, Daddy knows you’re a strong, brave little lady.”

Clint gave him a flat look. “You are referring to yourself in third person as her ‘daddy’, Bucky. It’s weird.”

Bucky shot him a look. “Oh like you don’t do the same with Lucky.”

Clint shrugged. “Very rarely. We’re more like roommates than ‘owner and pet’ really. The point is, I don’t talk to him in baby voices.”

“Cause he’s not a baby!” Bucky argued, looking down at his kitten. “Don’t worry, Stella. Clint’s just being a dummy. You know Daddy loves you best. Yes he does,” he cooed, kissing her again.

Clint just shook his head. “The words most feared assassin. And his weakness is apparently kittens.”

Bucky gave him a stern look. “Any man that isn’t made weak by a kitten this adorable isn’t to be trusted because he’s clearly made of pure evil,” he said in a serious tone, then shifted to stand up, Stella tucked into his palm. “Alright, I’ve gotta take Baby Girl home. After she finishes a bottle she usually goes to sleep and as warm as my hand is, the bed is much softer.”

Clint rolled his eyes at Bucky when he walked out and turned back to Lucky. “Buddy, I love you and all, but don’t expect me to start talking to you in a baby voice, okay?” Lucky made a huffing noise and shuffled closer to lay his head on Clint’s knee in reply.

~

Steve whined dramatically as he flopped onto the couch beside Clint. “Clint. Clint. Can I please move in with you for a while?” he asked, pouting at Clint from where his head was tilted against the back of the couch.

Clint chuckled. “Stella?”

Steve whimpered, slumping even further down so that his chin was against his chest and his knees were sprawled almost to the coffee table. “I don’t even get to sleep in the bed anymore,” he grumbled with a pout.

Clint snorted. “What the hell? Why are you kicked out of bed?”

Steve sighed dramatically. “Because I roll around in my sleep, unlike Bucky, who slept like a log even before the brainwashing, and apparently me rolling means I could roll over and squash Stella – Bucky refuses to make her sleep on the couch or on a pillow, she has to sleep on his chest every night – and that means I sleep on the couch, Bucky and Stella get our _queen size bed_ ,” Steve complained.

Clint raised an eyebrow. “You and Bucky sleep on a queen? Dude, I’ve got a queen for myself, I’m not nearly as huge as you two are. I’m shocked you two lying side by side don’t have shoulders hanging off the edges.”

Steve made a face. “I’m complaining about Bucky’s damn kitten ruining my life and that’s what you get hung up on?” Clint shrugged and Steve sighed. “Even relative to size changes for me, our bed is still bigger than anything we had in the past. Bucky was the same size back then as he is now and I was about Natasha’s size and we slept curled up together in a single.” He flapped a hand. “The point is, our bed is more than big enough for how we sleep, and now I’m stuck sleeping on the couch because I’ve been replaced by an animal that’s barely bigger than a bar of soap!” Steve looked at him helplessly. “Have you heard what he calls her? He calls her ‘my sweet little baby girl’ and refers to himself as her _daddy_!” 

Clint snickered. “Yep. I’ve heard that. Pretty sure you’ve adopted a child, Steve.”

Steve seemed to slump down even further as he deflated. “May as well have. She meows way louder than should be possible when she is hungry, then Bucky feeds her a kitten sized baby bottle, then he holds her until she falls asleep, then _puts her on our bed_ and when she wakes up she meows until he comes and gets her since she’s too little to get down by herself and still falls over when she runs, and at night, he fucking goes to sleep holding her!”

Clint tutted. “Captain America cursing over a kitten!”

Steve huffed. “Yeah well Captain America has spent the last two weeks replaced by a goddamn cat in his husband’s life.” He gave Clint a slightly guilty look. “Are you _sure_ you don’t want to institute a ‘no pets allowed’ policy?”

Clint snorted and nodding at his own dog. “Lucky’s not going anywhere – not after I had to get him back from that little shit that took him to fucking California – so I can’t tell everybody else to get rid of their pets, too.”

There was a knock at the door and Steve groaned. “If that’s Bucky, tell him I’m not here. He’s gonna ask me to go buy something for Stella,” he whispered loudly before getting to his feet and leaping over the couch, dropping to the floor behind it.

Clint snickered and shook his head as he walked over to the door. “Hey, Steve’s not-“ He stopped quickly when the face revealed was not Bucky. “Oh. Coulson,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

Phil smiled apologetically. “Sorry to bother you. Although... Steve’s not here?” he asked with a small frown. “Sergeant Barnes said-“

“Oh, no, no, he’s here,” Clint said, stepping back. “Steve, coast is clear,” he called and Steve peeked over the back of the couch.

Phil stepped into the apartment and raised an eyebrow. “Is there any reason you’re hiding behind Clint’s couch, Rogers?”

Clint chuckled as he passed Phil. “Have you met Stella?”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “The kitten Barnes was holding? Yeah. She’s very cute.”

“She’s _ruining my life_ ,” Steve argued a bit dramatically. “Bucky’s lost his mind or something, Sir. My husband reverting to the Winter Soldier would be easier to deal with than this.”

Clint winced. “That’s a bit much, Steve-“

“ _Sleeping on the couch because he won’t make a cat sleep somewhere besides the bed_ ,” Steve stressed. 

Phil frowned. “Well she’s really small. She’d get pretty cold sleeping by herself. Kittens that small almost always are with their mother or other kittens from their litter, so if she slept alone at night, she might get too cold.”

Steve gave him an almost horrified look. “Oh God, you’re a cat person.”

Clint raised an eyebrow at Phil. “You’re a cat person?”

Phil shrugged. “I had a cat for a year before my life became too hectic and I had to send him to live with my sister,” he answered with a shrug. “His name was Walter.”

Clint couldn’t help but laugh at Phil. “Aw man, I’m picturing you going all ‘Daddy loves you’ like Bucky does now.”

Phil grimaced. “Does he really?”

“Oh yeah,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “It’s all ‘daddy’s strong little lady’ and ‘my sweet baby girl’ and ‘you make daddy so proud, sweetheart’.” He hesitated, looking guilty a little bit. “I think it’s because she’s a survivor,” he reluctantly admitted. “Clint knows the whole story already, but Bucky found her behind the dumpster in the alley when he took out the garbage. No other kittens, no mother cat, just a cold, starving little kitten so small her eyes were barely opened.” He shrugged. “I guess the fact she lived through being abandoned makes her a fighter and a survivor in his eyes, it makes him think she’s his responsibility to keep safe. So he’s gone a little-“

“Nuts?” Clint suggested and Steve nodded sheepishly. 

“Pretty much.”

Coulson smiled slightly. “Have you ever thought that maybe he just needs something to take care of? You have plenty to do all the time. He never goes out, he doesn’t go to the tower – not that I’ve seen – since you moved out, and he seems to only move between your apartment, the store on the corner, and Clint’s apartment. He probably just needs something to do and caring for an orphaned kitten has to make him feel like he’s useful.”

Clint and Steve shared a look and Steve frowned some, looking guilty. “Aw man. I’m a terrible husband,” he muttered, eyebrows furrowed. 

Clint just rolled his eyes. “You and Bucky spent _twenty minutes_ storming up and down the stairs and yelling and bothering everybody in the building within a week of moving in, yet being annoyed in private about his cat is what makes you feel bad?”

Phil gave them both a sharp look. “You let them yell at each other in public around here? You haven’t thought maybe Captain America yelling obscenities is a bad thing-“

Clint scoffed. “Nobody gives a rat’s ass he’s Captain America. Bucky got bored and rolled the shield down the stairs to see if he could bounce it off the wall and make it go around corners and Teresa’s kids just came out on the landing and cheered him on.”

Phil looked pained as he put a hand over his eyes. “And to think I would have one day thought _Stark’s Superhero Playhouse_ was a better option than the reality,” he muttered and Clint laughed. Steve looked a little confused by Coulson’s sarcasm and Clint just gave him a smile.

Steve looked at Coulson and cleared his throat. “Uh, right. Well, Sir, what did you need me for?”

“There’s a situation I could use your help in,” Coulson said in a more professional tone. “I know none of you have really volunteered to come back into the folds of SHIELD, and I can only respect that. However, Natasha agreed to come on board for this one mission and you and she work well together.”

Steve nodded. “If it sounds like something I’d want to stop, I’ll help.”

“Well, it’s some HYDRA scientists that who got their hands on the Centipede Soldier serum-“

Steve stood up. “Yep, I’m in. The jerks who hurt my husband and the serum that kept killing innocent people before they stabilized it? Sounds like a good way to take out some frustrations,” he said and Phil smiled knowingly.

“Thought you might say that. In that case, think you could pack a bag and be at the Tower in two hours?”

Steve nodded. “Definitely, Sir,” he said, glancing at Clint. “Look after Bucky for me. Make sure he doesn’t completely allow the half pound kitten to become an evil overlord, okay?”

Clint saluted him with a grin. “Sure thing, Buddy. I’ve got him covered.”

Phil stepped aside to let Steve past and followed him, only pausing at the door long enough to look back at Clint and nod. “It was good seeing you, Clint.”

Clint fought the wave of _something he wanted to ignore_ that spread through his insides as he met Phil’s eyes and nodded back. “You too, Phil.” 

When Phil shut the door Clint whined and slid down in his seat, covering his face. “Lucky please tell me that wasn’t what I think it was,” he mumbled, then looked over at Lucky, who just shuffled closer to rest his chin on Clint’s knee with a soft huff. Clint sighed, ruffling the fur on his head. “You’re no use, Pizza Dog.”

~

The next time Clint saw Phil, he happened to be at the tower to meet with Tony about some R&D for SHIELD 2.0 when Pepper called Clint, Steve, and Bucky to the tower for something she claimed was urgent. 

“Oh hey, Legolas,” Tony greeted when Clint led the way off the elevator. “What’s up? Are we having a party someone forgot to tell me about?”

Before Clint or the other two could answer, Pepper came from the hall with a harried looking assistant behind her. “Oh Steve, you’re here already. That’s great,” she said, looking a bit stressed as she walked over to one of the large couches and sat down, gesturing for them to do the same.

Tony looked over from where he and Phil were standing by the window using the glass as a screen, and frowned. “Uh, Pepper, what’s going on?” he asked.

Phil cleared his throat. “Is there something I should be made aware of?” he asked gently.

Pepper smiled a clearly forced smile. “Don’t worry, Director Coulson, it’s nothing of SHIELD’s concern.” She looked at Steve and Bucky, who had sat across from her, and grimaced. “However, it is an issue.” She gestured to her assistant, who opened a folder and slid it across the coffee table. Clint leaned over from where he had perched on the arm of the couch and whistled.

“Wow, ‘hashtag Captain Ameri-queer’? That’s unexpected,” he said and Tony turned around, eyebrow raised.

“Captain AmeriQueer? Damn. Why didn’t I think up that nickname?” he asked, walking over to snatch up the folder before Steve could. “Well, well, well. A schoolteacher who posts funny things her students say anonymously apparently posted that one of them told her Captain America and his husband are her neighbors and I quote, ‘when the teacher who remains nameless was asked about it, she commented that there had been many sightings of Captain America in the neighborhood in recent months, though she refused to name the area, the child, or herself for fear of harassment.’” Tony tutted. “Are you forcing your poor neighborhood children to brag about your homosexuality, Steven?” he joked, then snickered. “Aw man, that’s priceless.”

Steve groaned and Bucky cringed. “Ten bucks says it was Gabby,” he said, and Steve nodded.

“I bet it was, too,” he said and Clint nodded.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Who is ‘Gabby’ and is said person’s name meant to be that amusingly accurate?” he asked and Clint glared.

“Gabby is one of my tenants daughter.” He cringed. “She gets picked on sometimes because she has two moms. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she argued that Captain America has a husband so it’s not wrong for her moms to be married.”

Pepper sighed. “Well, why it’s a touching story, it doesn’t change the fact that people have caught onto the rumor now.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Is it really that new of a rumor? I’d have thought there would be plenty of rumors about Steve being gay before now. There’s a shitload about Stark being gay.”

Tony shrugged. “Probably because in my younger years my requirements for my bed were what I called the ABCs- ‘alive, beautiful, and consenting’. I’ve slept with tons of dudes in my lifetime, man. I mean mostly women, sure, but probably one out of every twelve people I’ve fucked had a penis.” He grinned unashamedly. “So gay rumors aren’t entirely wrong on my end.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure why I’m even surprised, Stark. We’re all aware you used to be a giant whore. I just wasn’t aware how much of one-“

“Oh like you were much better,” Steve chastised and Bucky just winked.

“Only man I’ve ever been with is you, Baby, the girls meant nothing to me,” he said with a leer.

Steve chuckled. “Good thing you weren’t as free with your affections as you were with your body, or I wouldn’t be facing allegations that I’m gay, huh?” he teased and Bucky grinned.

“Exactly!” 

Pepper chuckled. “Anyways,” she said, getting their attention. “We’re going to have to decide how to proceed with this. You don’t have a PR team anymore since SHIELD is an underground organization, so I’ll handle it for now. However, we need to make a decision on what we want to do right now before it hits any major gossip news.”

Steve’s frown was adorably confused, if you asked Clint. “Decision about what? I mean…” He shrugged. “People will know I’ve got a husband. What decisions are there to make?”

Phil cleared his throat. “She means you have to decide if you’re going to comment on the allegations, if you’re going to deny them, if you’re going to refuse to comment at all… that sort of thing,” he explained. “Are you going to send out a press release, are you going to give an interview, will you open up the can of worms that is Bucky being back – I have to officially say that SHIELD would rather you not do that – or if you’re going to, please remain vague about your alleged husband.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Well first off, I’m sure as hell not going to lie and claim I’m not married to another man, and therefore he isn’t an ‘alleged’ anything.” He looked at Bucky. “We probably shouldn’t talk about you, though. Not yet at least.”

Bucky shrugged. “Whatever you want. I don’t want to show my face. I don’t know how much HYDRA knows about me being Bucky Barnes, but if a picture of me got out, they’ll know I’m the Winter Soldier and I don’t want them to come after me again.”

“We suspect that a select few HYDRA members know who the Winter Soldier was,” Phil said gently. “So even your name, Bucky Barnes, would at least tell them you’re alive.”

Steve curled his arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. I won’t let HYDRA get their hands on you ever again.”

Bucky nodded, worrying his bottom lip. “Don’t lie about not being married, but just make up some shit about me. Nobody will recognize me as Bucky Barnes with this long hair if they see me in person, so being seen in public isn’t a problem.”

“Sure, Bucky,” he said, hugging him into his side. “If anybody asks, my husband’s name is James. It’s a common enough name. Pretty sure I meet a James every other week.”

Bucky smirked. “Tell ‘em your husband’s name is Jim and you met at the gym,” he said and Steve grimaced.

“I’ll leave the really bad jokes to you, Pal.”

Clint raised a hand. “I’d like to suggest that you get Steve a spot on one of the Fox News chat show type things for the outing!” he said eagerly. “Tell ‘em he’ll answer all the questions about the allegations and stuff and make it seem like he’s coming on to do some patriotic ‘all- American’ manly icon denial thing and then when they ask he can be like ‘yeah my husband is a war veteran, we had a lovely Christian ceremony, we now live a peaceful, modest life with our cat, or neighbors inviting us to barbecues, and the occasional fight against evil’ and throw them off so badly!”

Steve and Bucky both shared downright devious glances and Bucky beamed. “Stevie, Baby, if you tell some gay-hating asshole that you married a man cause you’re gayer than glitter on a drag queen’s dick, I will absolutely have your babies.”

Steve laughed at him. “Well, pretty sure men don’t have babies – also we would be terrible parents – but I will absolutely tell anybody you want me to that I’m gayer than glitter on a drag queen’s dick just because I want to see some old jerk pass out from the horror of Captain America coming out publically and openly as homosexual.”

Pepper made a pained sound. “I advise against that. I advise against that _so hard_ -“

“Do _not_ say that to someone,” Phil stressed. “Don’t become Tony Stark and ignore the notecards. I’m absolutely serious. Do not do that.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “What was it you said? I’m not part of SHIELD?” he challenged and Phil grimaced.

“I’m telling you as one friend to another-“

“Bucky told me to stop trying to join the Army and he’s the love of my life, you really think that’s the best approach to make?” Steve asked with a devious grin.

Clint snickered. “You have no hope, Boss, give up while you’re ahead,” he said and Phil looked at him in faint surprise before schooling his expression to something more even.

“Well they’re your friends. If that says anything, it tells me they don’t know how to follow the rules.” Phil gave him a softer look before turning back to Stark and asking him to come back to the screen.

It was only after they finished talking to Pepper and left together that Clint realized he had called Phil ‘Boss’, just like old times. He wasn’t really sure how he felt about that. More importantly, he wasn’t sure how he _wanted_ to feel about that.

~

Captain America on TV was _hysterical_. Steve played up the ‘confused old timey man’ spiel around journalists as a rule and knowing the real Steve made it even funnier.

The Avengers (plus various hangers on since Phil’s team was back in town to test things in Stark’s facilities) all gathered together to throw a ‘Steve’s Coming Out’ party even though he wasn’t there. There were drinks, food, and shitloads of betting going on with Phil’s hacker keeping the books on it. 

“Okay, remember the drinking game rules!” Darcy announced loudly, kneeling up in her seat to look down at the others. “If he says ‘queer’ you drink, if he mentions Peggy Carter you drink, if he says ‘penis’ you drink, if he does the ‘why shucks golly’ face you drink!”

Tony raised his glass. “If he makes the interviewer fumble for their words, you take two drinks.”

“If he cusses, you take three,” Bucky added, raising his beer. “If he gives a shout out to Brooklyn, you drink three.”

Clint snickered. “And if he says ‘glitter on a dick’ in any variation you chug the rest!”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “Says the man who isn’t drinking,” he accused and Clint scoffed.

“Alcohol doesn’t affect you, shut up,” he said. 

Trip smirked. “And for every time Coulson blushes or does the ‘fanboy Phil face’, he’s got to take a shot.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “How about you all do paperwork for every time I blush even though I absolutely do not blush.”

May smirked. “Fine, instead of shots, for every time you blush, I get to tell them a story.”

Phil paled. “Melinda, if you even think-“

Skye whooped. “We have a winner!” She shrugged at Phil. “Sorry, Sir, we’re off the clock, May has the authority. What she says is law. You don’t have to do shots, you have to suffer May telling stories.”

Natasha raised a hand from where she was laid across Clint’s lap. “Can I help?”

Pepper grimaced, phone in her hand, ready to take the outraged calls. “I don’t know why I ever thought Tony working with SHIELD was a good idea. You’re all just as bad as he is,” she sighed.

Bucky gave her his most winning smile. “Really all you can do is embrace it, Pepper. I learned a long time ago that loving a dumbass who had more stupid than he did sense was a curse more than a blessing. The only way I got around this was to just embrace that he’s crazy as hell and a pain in the ass, but he’s my crazy pain in the ass,” he advised and she rolled her eyes.

Clint shushed them all. “It’s starting!” he said, and, without thinking, dragged Phil from standing in front of him to sitting beside him and Natasha. 

The news spot wasn’t someone as conservative as they had hoped, but it was live TV news, so it was bound to be amusing. “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, we’re here tonight with Captain America himself, Captain Steve Rogers. Captain Rogers, it’s great to have you here,” he greeted and Steve smiled politely.

“Oh it’s Steve, please,” he said with a small wave.

“Alright, Steve,” the interviewer said, shuffling his pages in front of him. “Well, everybody knows who you are, living legend, major historical figure, actual, real life super hero-“ Steve ducked his head with a sweet smile and Skye laughed.

“Drink up!”

Clint just rolled his eyes at their antics and focused back on the screen. “Well let’s not beat around the bush!” The Interviewer (Clint didn’t know his name, so he was gonna go with that) leaned forward some. “Steve, the real scandal, the rumors flying, the ones I’m sure you’re ready to dispel! Of course I’m referring to the recent allegations that Captain America is married, and not just married, but gay married.”

Steve gave a polite smile, innocent as ever, and just chuckled. “Well, I am married, and going by the old meaning, it was a very gay affair,” he joked and the guy looked slightly surprised for a bit. “But-“ The Interviewer relaxed some. “The guests weren’t all gay, the pastor who performed the ceremony wasn’t gay, we didn’t get gay rings, and serve gay drinks at the party.” The Interviewer opened his mouth and Steve shrugged. “That said, while my wedding was a normal, small, traditional, close affair, I did marry a man, so while it’s regular ol’ marriage, not a specific type of marriage for gay people, it was a regular wedding with two men in it.”

Bucky beamed. “That’s my Stevie, you tell ‘em!” he cheered.

The Interviewer looked astounded and a little shocked. “So- so you’re saying-“

“That I’m a homosexual? Yep, sure am,” Steve confirmed. “I was just lucky enough to wake up in a time where I didn’t have to hide what I was anymore for fear of getting killed or locked up in prison, or worse, an asylum, just because of who I was attracted to.”

“Oh.” The Interviewer chuckled. “What about the famed romance with Agent Carter?”

Steve smiled demurely. “Peggy was one of two people in Europe who knew me before I became Captain America, and the other was my best friend. Very few people treated me like Steve and she was one of them. One of the best people I ever met and even now, I still go and visit her whenever I get a chance. She was a very important person in my life. Some people somewhere assumed we were in love and neither of us tried to stop them, but we liked each other as friends. We had a unique insight into what it felt like to have people treat you like you were weaker, me because I was a sickly little guy, and her because she was a woman in a man’s military. I did love her, just not that way people assumed I did,” he said openly and honestly.

“So… did she know about you?”

Steve tilted his head. “Did she know I was a homosexual? Hell no!” he laughed. “Only two people ever found out about me back then, and only one of them I let know intentionally.”

“Did you have a- a boyfriend?” The Interviewer asked and Steve scoffed.

“You’ve seen the photos, I wasn’t attractive to women and I sure as hell wasn’t attractive to men. No, I didn’t have a boyfriend,” he said with a small twinkle in his eyes. “My best friend, he knew. We grew up together, we were just kids when we met, and we never hid things from each other, so when I never did start looking at girls the way the other guys did, I told him.”

The Interviewer frowned. “By your best friend, I assume you mean Sergeant James Barnes?” Steve nodded. “Wasn’t he a ladies man? Why would you tell him that? Also didn’t you live together?”

Steve shrugged. “Him being popular with the ladies didn’t mean he wasn’t still the best guy I ever knew. I trusted him with my life – literally, there were times him nursing me through a sickness was the only reason I lived – so I didn’t have to worry about him telling anybody. I knew he wouldn’t hate me for it cause he was too good of a person to be that way. I couldn’t have spent all those years spending all my time with him if he’d been that kind of a man.” He sat back some. “And yes, we did live together, but like I said, he didn’t treat me differently. A true friend wouldn’t do that, and Bucky’s the truest friend I ever had.”

The Interviewer nodded. “You said another person knew. Who was it?”

Steve smiled sadly. “Well, I suspect three people knew, I have a feeling my mother knew about me but never said anything or treated me any differently, but she died without bringing it up. But the other person who knew was Bucky’s sister. Bucky was teasing me about this handsome fella on a movie that caught my eye and she overheard. We both got real scared she’d tell, but she never did. Took that one to the grave with her, I think.”

“And the other Avengers, do they know?” The Interviewer asked and Steve smiled brightly.

“Oh yeah, definitely! They all were at the wedding and we had a party after the ceremony in Stark’s living room. Everybody I know knows since I’m married to a man now.”

The Interviewer cleared his throat, fidgeting some. “So, um, your husband. What’s he like? What’s his name? Where did you meet?”

Steve hummed. “Well, I don’t feel comfortable putting him into the spotlight, but his name is James – funny how many Jims, James, and Jimmys I’ve known – and he’s actually a veteran,” he said, and Clint could see the smirk he was fighting to keep off his face. “It was really hard to make friends and connect with people when my life has been so drastically different than other people around thirty like I am really, but when I met a friend who worked at a VA, I managed to meet some people I at least had stuff in common with.” He shook his head. “PTSD works the same way whether your nightmare is Nazis tanks or Al Qaida IEDs. So I met a lot of new people and had the soldier lifestyle in common and it was easier to get to know people and explore other interests in common and stuff after there’s that first connection.” He smiled and Clint knew he loved that he got away with not telling a lie but making it seem like he meant something else. “James and I are both military men, we both have our fair share of issues related to the things we’ve been through, but because we’ve both faced some terrible things, we’re able to help each other in a way nobody else can because he and I understand each other.” He shrugged and smiled dreamily. “Marrying him is the best thing that’s happened to me since I woke up in this century.”

“Well that’s great,” The Interviewer said far too enthusiastically to be genuine. “Good to see you finding your way in the modern world.” He threw a slightly panicked look at the camera. “Well you heard it here, folks! Captain America is not only married, but gay as well.”

Steve nodded, smiling dramatically. “Yep, I’m gayer than a rainbow flag tattooed on a naked fellas penis at a pride parade.”

Clint realized then that there was definitely not a few seconds censoring delay on this feed. The Interviewer shut the interview down _fast_ after that and everybody sat looking around at each other in shock before Tony reached out, grabbed his glass, and downed the whole thing. Bucky let out a loud laugh, doubling over just as Clint burst into snickers, slapping a hand over his mouth. Natasha doubled over, clinging to Clint, and from what he could see through the tears of laughter, nobody else seemed to be doing much better.

The best part however, was the horrified look in Pepper’s frozen face, and the flush sneaking up on Phil’s cheeks. “Oh God, oh Phil!” he choked out, smiling at him. “Phil, your _face_!” he wheezed.

Phil shook his head and managed a sheepish smile. “Of all the things I ever thought I’d hear Steve Rogers say…” He shrugged. “That wasn’t on the list.”

Clint smirked and winked. “Oh admit it, Boss, the word ‘penis’ was in there somewhere,” he teased and Phil laughed sharply, clearly surprised at Clint’s boldness. 

“Oh shut up, hero worship is not a crush-“

“Totally a crush,” Clint argued. “Admit it, if you had a chance, you know you’d take it,” he accused and Phil just scoffed, though his ears burned red. 

Bucky glanced over and winked at Phil, who looked slightly mortified. “Don’t worry about it, Coulson. I’d think you were nuts if you _wouldn’t_ say yes if you’d ever got the chance.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Sorry about that one, though. I married him, I’m not sharing now.”

Phil chuckled and shook his head, clearly amused while trying not to be. “You are all horrible influences. I shouldn’t let you around my team.”

Clint tutted. “Please, you used to laugh when I corrupted baby agents.”

“I couldn’t help you made me laugh,” Phil defended. “Before you, I never cracked a smile if I wasn’t relaxing like I am now. You just got under my skin somehow and you know you did.”

Clint smiled fondly as he remembered all the times he’d needled Phil until he finally cracked and laughed at the things Clint said. “Yeah, well, I liked the challenge. Couldn’t help myself. Everybody else got fed up with me, but you just let me try my best to make you smile.”

Phil shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. “I liked seeing you happy, Clint,” he said offhandedly, only to hesitate, eyes showing a flash of regret as he glanced at Clint. Clint just smiled tightly and shrugged dismissively.

“Yeah, well, you always did a good job making me feel it, too,” he admitted in a softer voice, sharing a meaningful look before turning back to Natasha, who seemed very unimpressed with his and Phil’s behavior. 

~

Steve’s coming out was all over the news for two weeks solid before it died down. Bucky _loved_ seeing Steve sass anybody that said something negative about his sexuality. Clint loved watching Bucky go from playing with his slightly less demanding kitten to vocally sharing his reasons for loving Steve to whoever was in the room. Usually it was praises in which he called Steve a ‘little smartass’ or ‘firecracker’ that made him start sharing his feelings out loud, but sometimes it was something like, “Fuck that guy, Stevie’s worth ten of him, I’ll fuckin’ stab whoever says otherwise.”

Clint loved watching Steve and Bucky together because he knew so much from Bucky’s side of their story that he was pretty invested in their happiness. (Plus, Lucky loved Bucky almost more than he did Clint so Clint really didn’t want to deal with a sad Lucky when Bucky was in a crappy mood.) 

Almost better than Steve and Bucky though, was the way he seemed to see Phil around every time he went to the tower. He didn’t know where their base was, but it had to be pretty close if Phil was able to come to the tower to sweet talk Stark into giving him things or doing something for him. Clint deep down wanted to still be angry, but the more he and Phil interacted, the more it started to feel like the way it used to. They were becoming friends again. After so long without him, having Phil’s dry humor and kind eyes around was bringing back everything Clint had ever felt for him, both romantic and platonic. He loved getting to watch Phil working again just like the days of him lounging around in Phil’s office, lying on his couch and watching him do paperwork.

What really let Clint know he was totally screwed all over again, however, was catching Phil looking right back. 

Bucky had agreed to bring Stella to meet Skye the next time she came to the tower with Coulson, so when she called and said they were there, he gathered Stella up in the little mesh carrier bag he’d bought for her (Captain America patterns, obviously, which made Steve shake his head at his husband’s ridiculousness) and he and Clint headed over. (Steve was out with Sam and Natasha, doing something HYDRA-fight-y, Clint assumed.)

Almost as soon as they got up to the main floor, Bucky stooped to let Stella out, grinning when she leapt from her carrier and ran immediately to Stark’s expensive couch and started sharpening her claws. She then leapt onto the couch and attacked a pillow, rolling around and getting her fur all over it. Bucky just beamed. “That’s Daddy’s girl,” he said, walking over to pick her up and hug her. “Alright, let’s go find Skye!”

Clint snickered. “Hey J? Where’s Skye?”

“Good afternoon, Sir.” JARVIS always was a classy guy. “Agent Skye is in Mr. Stark’s propulsion lab. Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, and Director Agent are all there as well.”

Clint laughed. “Director Agent?”

JARVIS actually sighed. “Mr. Stark changed my programming, sir. But no worries, Dr. Banner has promised to change it back when Mr. Stark sleeps next.”

Barnes just grinned. “I like it. It’s funny.”

“Perhaps to you, sir,” JARVIS replied in a very sassy tone.

He and Bucky headed to Stark’s lab (one of many) and JARVIS let them in at the door. “Yo, Skye!” Bucky called, then held Stella up since she was sitting on his palm for the ride. (She was a bit bigger now, but still fit in his hand).

Skye squeaked. “KITTEN!” she cried, bouncing over. She leaned down and petted Stella’s head. Stella stretched her neck, pressing into the hand on top of her little head. “Awwww she’s so cute!”

“Whoa!” Stark cried, waving a wrench at them. “What the hell, why is there a cat in my lab? Why is a cat in my tower?! This is an animal free building!”

“The fuck it is,” Bucky said, glaring at him. “Steve and I technically still have an apartment here, and Clint does too, that means dogs and cats are allowed.” The look on his face said he dared Stark to argue. 

Stella leapt from Bucky’s hand and landed on the nearest table. She nimbly walked her way through various piles of junk until she got to the edge closest to Stark. She meowed and leaned out to sniff at the glove he had been working on. Clint let out a small ‘aww’ at the conflicted look that crossed Stark’s face when she looked up at him and meowed with her big, blue eyes wide. “But… fur,” Stark whined plaintively. 

One of the robots rolled over and Bucky tensed when its pincer whirred closer to her, but when Stella shrank back and hissed at the robot, it made an alarmed sort of beeping and rolled backwards so fast it knocked over a tool box. Stella tilted her head and watched as the robot scurried to the other side of the lab. If Clint didn’t know better, he’d say she looked smug. 

Stark just sighed. “Dummy, she’s just a cat. You are a robot. It can’t hurt you!” The robot made distrustful beeps from the other side of the lab and turned away from him. “Well fine, be that way!” Tony argued and Phil made a soft sound that sounded more like a cough but Clint knew was a laugh. 

Clint looked at him to see and sure enough, Phil’s face looked blank but his eyes showed amusement. “Well, everybody, this is Stella, Bucky and Steve’s four-legged daughter,” he introduced and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“For the last time, I do not treat her like she’s my daughter-“

Clint scoffed. “‘That’s right, you are daddy’s sweet baby, Stella, don’t let anybody tell you different’,” he quoted at Bucky, who just shrugged.

Skye just cooed. “Awww, look at her little paws!” she squeaked, leaning down so she was face to face with Stella. “She’s so tiny and adorable!” She turned back to Coulson with a big smile. “AC, can we get a cat for base?!” she asked excitedly.

Coulson raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?” She nodded exuberantly. “Skye, we’re trying to destroy HYDRA and rebuild SHIELD and you want a pet?”

“You say this like this is surprising,” she said with a tilt to her head. “It’s a kitten, AC. I’m not asking you if I can take the Quinjet for a joy ride and stick a ‘I Brake For Comicon’ bumper sticker on it.”

Clint raised an eyebrow at Coulson. “Quinjet, huh? That explains a lot about how you two seem to be everywhere at once.” Phil gave him a secretive look. “You know,” Clint said, leaning on the table to look across it at Phil. “You could’ve just borrowed mine, you didn’t have to do whatever the hell you did to get one of your own.”

Phil gave him an actually surprised look. “What do you mean borrow _yours_?” he demanded.

Clint gestured to Tony. “He gave me one as a ‘glad you escaped Loki’ present. Cloaking system, room for ten, capable of Mach 6 if I take it high enough and have the right gear. Couldn’t do it with passengers, they’d surely die, but if I _had to_ I could get anywhere in the world in an hour.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Where do you… keep it?” he asked, sounding like he still had trouble following.

Tony waved a screwdriver. “Know that weird gap between seventy-four and seventy-nine?” he asked, and Phil nodded. Tony whistled and gestured like sliding something into an oven. “Right in the middle of this building. There’s just enough room for his jet and my helicopter.”

Skye huffed. “Coulson, you made us risk our lives to steal that damn plane and your boyfriend had one all along?” she asked, crossing her arms. 

Clint gave her a startled look and she sighed dramatically. “Oh come on, I’ve watched you flirting with Stark, I know a gay joke doesn’t offend you.”

Bucky just snickered. “Oh trust me, it doesn’t bother him at all,” he said, then slung his arms around Clint’s neck, dramatically. “Right, Baby?” he joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Clint fixed a grin on his face. “Sure don’t, Sweetheart,” he said, then slapped Bucky on the ass. When they pulled apart laughing, he gave Bucky a nod of thanks and Bucky shrugged it off. 

Stella seemed unimpressed by their playing around as she wandered closer to Stark and leaned out away from the table, butting her head against his arm. Tony looked torn between ‘ew cats’ and ‘awwwww’ as he carefully reached out and nudged her away, only to have her turn and bite his hand when he tried. “Ow!” he cried, cradling his finger closer to his chest. Stella just leapt from the table right up onto his shoulder and sat down, licking his hair. Bucky beamed. “That’s my girl,” he said proudly, making Skye coo.

“AC we could keep a kitty around to get rid of the mice Mac says he saw!” Skye bounced some. “C’mon, it’s useful!”

Clint perked up. “Wait, trucker Mack or mechanic Mac?” he asked Skye, who perked up.

“Mechanic Mac, why, you know him?” she asked.

Clint smirked. “Oh I know him alright,” he said and Bucky gave him a look that clearly said ‘oh really’. “Not like that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “When I wanted to hide from Coulson wanting me to do paperwork, Mac let me hide in the garage with him.” 

Skye beamed. “Mac’s great. I like him best of all the new people. Although we’ve got some more women in the last month or so, so it’s nice. It was just me and May and then we’ve had two more but we lost them both,” she said with a sad grimace. “Simmons keeps coming back every once in a while but she never stays.” 

Clint hummed. “Oh yeah? Anybody I know?” he asked Phil. Phil hesitated, clearing his throat awkwardly and Clint raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t talk Nat back into SHIELD did you?”

Skye made a face. “I _wish_ we had Black Widow. No, we got a pilot from Germany that Koenig used to know, two SHIELD Agents, and a former SHIELD Agent that had defected before the fall but wanted back in.”

Clint raised an eyebrow. “Let me guess that last one,” he said dryly and Phil nodded minutely, smiling apologetically. “Well, even better reason not to join you guys!” he said, clapping his hands together.

Skye gave him a confused look. “Uh… Agent Morse?”

“Ex-wife,” Clint said and Skye gaped. 

Phil made a soft sound. “Also Vanessa,” he added and Clint let out a bark of laughter.

“Yep, _definitely_ not joining SHIELD two-point-oh,” he confirmed, then nodded at them while looking at Bucky. “Remember the ‘married three times but to two women’ thing? Bobbi and Vanessa.”

Skye mouthed ‘Bobbi’ at Phil, who nodded. “Agent Morse only goes by Barbara to people she’s not friends with.”

“Married her twice,” Clint explained. “First time was adrenaline after a long op, second time was cause she got jealous of my second wife and convinced me I really loved her still so I divorced Vanessa and married her, then we realized we were dumbasses and I got divorced again.” He chuckled. “I’m shocked you get them to work together. They hate each other.”

Phil groaned. “They made me write into their contracts that they never have to work together even if the world is ending,” he said and Clint snickered.

“It should be the first rule of SHIELD ‘if Clint dated her, she’s insane’. Trust me, anybody that would date me is insane.” He made a face. “Hell, I wouldn’t date myself I’m so much trouble.”

Bucky snorted. “I would date you, but that doesn’t mean much. Look who I did marry. Clearly sanity isn’t one of my requirements.” He glared at him playfully. “Both of you have a strange affinity for jumping off shit with no safety system in place.”

Clint grinned. “Oh, you heard about that no parachute thing, huh?” He winked. “Hey, at least I have a grappling arrow. Your husband is the dumbass who thinks ‘eh, a broken leg will heal quickly’.”

Phil cleared his throat and Clint turned slowly, giving him an innocent look. Phil just chortled. “I had to threaten to grab various extremities to see how you flinched and determine if you were hiding a broken bone or torn ligament, Barton.”

Skye gave Clint a once over and snickered before she could stop herself. “Did you ever use that as an excuse to grab his ass?” she joked and Clint laughed in surprise.

“Surprisingly, nobody’s ever grabbed me on the ass with the excuse of ‘checking for injuries’ but I did have this one nurse that really liked to put me in the backless gowns,” he said, shaking his head. “That guy went out of his way to do it just cause he realized I don’t wear underwear under my suit.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. “That doesn’t end in those pants going up your ass? Steve used to bitch about the tights riding up his ass before he talked Stark the First into making him better pants.”

Clint shook his head. “Nah, they made my suit with laser body measurements. It’s made exactly for my body. Totally wedgie free.” He wiggled his butt. “And besides, the official Avengers underwear line has very comfy undies so that’s not a problem anymore. The Hulk ones are always softer, whether it’s boxers or briefs.”

Bucky nodded. “Yep, definitely the Hulk ones. Although the Iron Man boxer briefs have extra thigh room.” He looked down his body. “My damn thick thighs are a problem when it comes to men’s pants.”

Clint nodded. “I used to steal Natasha’s sweatpants instead. Better ass room and thigh room. I mean she’s way too small so I stretched them out and she hated me, but short sweatpants were better than sweatpants I feared blowing the seams out of.”

Tony looked between the two and then turned to Phil and Skye. “And this is the life of a Super Hero, Mr. and Ms. Super Spy. You guys steal planes from the government and we sit around and adopt cats and discuss each other’s underwear,” he said with a grin.

Skye grinned. “Your lives are so glamorous, huh?” She reached out and petted Stella again. “Alright. Well, AC, I think we got what we needed. It’s probably time to head back.” She looked up at him with wide eyes. “Are you suuuuure we can’t get a kitty?”

Phil huffed. “Skye, you are an Agent of SHIELD, not a five year old. That face is not going to get you a cat.”

“But Daaaaad,” she whined playfully and Phil glared.

“I feel old enough without that, thanks.”

Clint made a dissenting sound. “Oh please, Phil, you’re not old. You’re clearly in better shape than ever even if you are twice her age.” He smiled. “Don’t even try the ‘old’ card. If I can’t use it, you can’t either.”

Phil smiled as he passed Clint on the way out. “The difference, Clint, is that you’re eight years younger than I am. And don’t look a day over thirty-five.”

Clint batted his eyelashes playfully. “Why Boss, flattery will get you everywhere,” he joked, sharing a long smile with Phil before Phil finally looked away and headed out the door with Skye behind him. As he watched Phil leave, he could feel Bucky looking at him and he knew what expression would be there when he turned around.

“You’re gonna get hurt,” Bucky muttered, and Clint closed his eyes, letting out a soft laugh.

“I know it, Man. Trust me, I know it.”

~

For all the feelings coming back, for all the small moments where he and Phil slipped unconsciously back into their old bantering, Clint didn’t plan on ever being the friends they once were again. Phil was the Director of SHIELD and Clint had sworn off all affiliation to SHIELD when SHIELD put him in a psych lockdown for all he suffered at the hands of Loki.

He and Phil never talked about it.

They never bought up that night on the terrace and what had been revealed. Clint didn’t know what else they could say if they did talk. Once upon a time, he’d been in love with a man who was also in love with him. But that was over now. They interacted as passing friends, they even managed some of the funny quips they used to have, but Clint accepted that they would never have the kind of rapport they had before, no matter how they moved on.

This was what Clint expected.

He could’ve never anticipated what would actually happen.

~

Clint never thought he and Bucky would end up fighting alongside Phil, but here they were, the three of them on a roof, picking off HYDRA super soldiers that were attacking the rest of SHIELD and the Avengers. “

Bucky watched one more soldier who Phil had shot with the ICER rounds get up a minute later and he growled when the guy shook himself and then pulled a knife and went after Steve. Phil shot him again, taking him out, but Bucky sat back. “Fuck it,” he said, taking out his clip. “Fuck this. Fuck your pansy ass morality.” He crawled back to grab a bag and dragged it to the edge of the roof. 

Coulson looked over. “Barnes, what are you doing-“

Bucky snapped a new clip into his gun. “Using fuckin’ bullets, the killin’ kind,” he said, glaring at Coulson when he chambered a round. “I didn’t spend the last year and a half of my fuckin’ normal life shooting HYDRA soldiers with a tranq, Coulson.” He laid back on his belly and aimed. The next time he fired, the shot was much louder and this time, there was blood splattering all over the ground before the guy even fell. 

“Barnes!” Coulson shouted from his spot about ten yards away. “We don’t kill-“

“No,” Bucky snapped. “You don’t. I’m not SHIELD, I’m not military, I’m not shit. I’m a fuckin’ pissed off jerk with a gun.” He cleared the chamber and lifted his head long enough to glare Coulson out of replying.

Clint watched as another soldier shrugged his arrow off and he shook his head. “Hate to say it, Coulson, but I’m too far away.”

He glanced back and saluted Phil as he tapped something on his bow and his quiver whirred. He saw Phil’s eyes widen and he half-sat up. “Barton, don’t you dare-“

“See ya, Boss!” Clint cried, taking a running leap and flying off the edge of the building. He could hear Bucky and Phil both yelling after him as he twisted in the air and fired an arrow to anchor himself. When the cord snapped tense he jolted some but held on as it allowed him to swing onto the top of an abandoned bus. He dropped the wire and hunkered down on one knee, immediately putting three arrows into the HYDRA soldiers who had saw him. With those three dead, arrows sticking out of their throats, he did a quick look around and saw nobody else seemed to have spotted him. 

After another twenty or so minutes of shooting from the roof – the ones that were Phil’s and the ones that were Bucky’s were easy to differentiate because Bucky’s were large caliber bullets that left messy holes in his while the ICER rounds released sub dermally so there was no damage other than broken skin – things started winding down. Most of the soldiers had been captured or killed (Bucky’s doing more than anybody’s) and there were just a few left fighting various people. He saw May choking one out a little ways up the block and he was pretty sure that guy was dead, too, so maybe not all the bodies were Bucky’s.

Clint turned, looking around for more threats, only to pale when he saw one big sonuvabitch sprinting towards Nat and Phil’s agents who were fighting on the ground with an ominous black bag in his hand. Clint reached back only to grasp at air. He was out of arrows. He searched the ground around the bus for any arrow he could retrieve, but there was no time. He clicked into the comms. “Phil take him down! The one from the west-“

“I can’t get the shot-“

“Somebody get him!” he shouted, ignoring Phil, then took a running jump and flew off the bus. He was closer to Natasha than the soldier with the bag, but he wasn’t super genetically advanced. “NATASHA!” he screamed to get her attention. 

It had to be the panic in his voice that made her look up and she whirled around, but before he could reach her or Nat could react, it was a blue streak that barreled into the soldier, knocking them both _through_ the windshield of a car and out one of the windows. Clint couldn’t see them but he was busy grabbing Natasha and throwing them both behind an upturned ice cream truck moments before a loud explosion shattered the glass around them and everything went dark for a moment with a wave of heat and a jolt of pain through Clint’s head.

When his vision cleared, Natasha was curled in a ball more beneath him than beside him. She unwound some as he shifted off of her and she looked around, assessing the situation. He tried to stand but a wave of dizziness knocked him back to his knees. Natasha said something, grabbing his head to make him look, but when she pulled her hands back, there was blood on her fingers. She turned his head to the side and then pulled back, with a somber look.

Clint could only hear as if he was underwater when she said, “Your ears are bleeding.”

Clint sighed heavily, running a hand over his face. “The surgery I had, they told me more damage would be irreparable,” he said and she winced. He grimaced. “Sorry if I’m yelling,” he said in what he hoped was a more reasonable tone.

She held up her hands and signed to him. “How bad?”

He shook his head. “I can hear enough. Just muffled. I heard you say my ears were bleeding,” he said and she nodded.

“Good, Stark can build some of your old hearing aids then,” she said, then helped him up.

Clint had had his hearing damaged twice before. Once near his start at SHIELD that left him effectively deaf, which had resulted in SHIELD developing hearing aids that went down into his ears and wouldn’t get knocked out in a fight, and another time when his hearing aids were shorted out with an EMP and it electrocuted him. They had to take him into surgery for the damage, so while they were at it, he let them do the surgery he’d opted out of the first time. His hearing wasn’t perfect afterwards, but it was better than risking another electrocution by hearing aid.

He could hear enough now to keep from having to rush order the hearing aids, and that was what mattered. In fact, the thought of how it wasn’t as bad as it could be jolted his confused mind back into reality. “Shit, Steve,” he said and Natasha’s eyes widened.

“That was Rogers?” she asked, then slung her arm around Clint’s waist and helped him balance enough for them to run around the truck and check out the damage.

When they got out to the street, there was a fucking _crater_ where the car had been. Clint’s chest tightened and he felt Natasha’s shoulders tense before she started to take more rapid breaths than usual. Clint looked around and his heart clenched when he saw the shield, lying abandoned next to what looked like the remains of an engine block, half its paint gone the blast had been so intense. 

“STEVE?!” Clint could hear perfectly well the shouts of Steve’s name, so he knew Bucky had to be yelling as loud as he could. He looked up and saw him repelling down the side of the building on the same cord Clint had used. “STEVIE?!” he screamed, horror etched into his features as he raced towards the crater, only to stop short and stumble slightly when he realized there was _nothing_ around the crater but debris and Steve’s battered shield lying in the middle of the rubble next to a burning pile of what had once been a car.

Clint felt a lump growing in his throat when he watched Bucky look around the street frantically, jerking his head from one spot to another, pushing his hair back with both hands, tugging at the locks that had fallen out of his ponytail. “St-Steve?” Clint saw his mouth form the name, even if he couldn’t hear it this time.

Clint saw Natasha’s bottom lip tremble some before she clenched her jaw, fighting not to show any emotion. He looked up again and realized Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man had all landed beside the bus Clint had been shooting from. SHIELD agents were still running around, trying to secure the living soldiers and make sure the dead were really not a threat, but May and Skye both had wandered over to where the Avengers were all just gathered around a crater, looking at the abandoned shield of Captain America lying in the center.

Coulson slowly walked up behind Bucky, his face set in a stony grimace. It was his ‘I feel something but I’m not going to show weakness’ face. Clint knew it well. When he looked up and met Clint’s eyes he glanced over at May, who was looking back, looked back to the crater, then looked up again and shook his head at May, meeting Clint’s eyes while still shaking his head.

Skye put a hand over her mouth and Clint watched tears spilling down her cheeks when she realized what had happened. Clint felt his own eyes stinging when Natasha let her chin drop and he watched a tear streak down her cheek. He put his hand on her shoulder, knowing she and Steve had been almost as close as they were. The thing that pushed Clint from stinging eyes and a lump in his throat to tears forming behind his lashes was the way Bucky staggered into the crater and fell to his knees, dragging the shield into his lap. He was still looking around, eyes more frantic, like he wasn’t able to stop looking for Steve, even though they all knew he wasn’t gonna find him.

Clint couldn’t hear the voices of the SHIELD agents around them speaking at regular volume, so he wasn’t at all prepared for a voice he _could_ hear right beside him. “Oh hey, my shield is still intact!”

Clint jumped so hard to the side that he knocked Natasha half into the crater as he jerked around only to see Steve standing there, cowl gone, suit torn and bloody, but otherwise pretty healthy for a man who they all thought was blown to bits. Steve frowned at Clint. “Uh, are you crying?” He looked at Natasha’s tear streaked face and paled. “Oh God, what happened?!”

Clint looked around to make sure everybody else saw him too, but going by the shocked but happy looks on the faces of the SHIELD agents and Avengers gathered, Clint wasn’t hallucinating from his head injury.

What cemented it, however, was Bucky. Bucky, who scrambled to his feet, looking half-relieved and half-livid. Bucky who threw Steve’s shield on the ground and stormed over to Steve with a crazed look in his eyes. “You dumbass little shit!” he shouted loud enough Clint could hear him clearly. “WHAT the FUCK did you think you were doing running TOWARDS a motherfucking suicide bomber?!” Bucky demanded, storming over.

Steve frowned. “Uh, doing my job-“

“Your job is hard to do if you fuckin’ DIE you stupid punk!” Bucky shouted, shoving at Steve’s shoulder. “I swear to God, I oughta wring your FUCKING NECK!” he screamed, voice cracking as he got right up in Steve’s face.

“Bucky! What the hell, I had to do my job-“

“YOUR JOB IS TO NOT DIE!” Bucky shouted, grabbing Steve by the chin, holding him still as he got in his face. “I did NOT spend SEVENTY YEARS as a fucking PUPPET just to get back to you, and YOU DIE ON ME A FEW MONTHS AFTER WE GET FUCKING MARRIED!”

He shoved Steve away from him and turned around, walking back to grab Steve’s shield. He picked it up and hurled it at Steve, who caught it, seeming to finally understand what had happened. “Ya see that thing?” Bucky snarled as he stalked closer to Steve, but stayed a few feet back. “You’re supposed to protect YOURSELF with that, not drop it like a DUMBASS!”

Steve looked up at Bucky, letting the shield fall to his side, held in one hand. He looked at Bucky with wide eyes. “Buck…”

“It’s like you LIVE to try and scare the hell out of me, Rogers,” Bucky ranted, waving his hands now. “My whole goddamn life has been spent being terrified I’d fail at fuckin’ protecting you, cause for SOME stupid reason I fuckin- What are you-“ Steve dropped his shield and stalked up to Bucky, grabbing him before he could argue.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve said before kissing Bucky like they were the romantic leads in a classic film. 

Clint turned to Natasha. “You know, this isn’t the first time I’ve wondered if that’s just how people kissed in the forties,” he commented and Natasha shot him a look that said she was clearly disturbed that _that_ was where his mind went. Clint grinned sheepishly. “It’s not the head injury, I promise.”

She rolled her eyes at him and he turned back to see Bucky had overcome his shock and was clinging to Steve, arms around his neck, one hand in the back of his hair as Steve held him with his hands on Bucky’s lower back so that Bucky was practically bent over backwards from the force of Steve’s kiss and the inability to pull back to balance. Natasha hummed, unable to help herself. “Actually, I think maybe Steve learned to kiss from watching Clark Gabel kiss women in movies.”

Clint nodded appraisingly. “Yep, that explains it.”

“So, uh… are they gonna breathe anytime soon?” Skye asked as she walked over to stand beside them, still watching Steve and Bucky making out in the middle of the battlefield. “Super soldiers still need oxygen, right?”

Clint shrugged. “They’ve both survived being frozen for years at a time. Pretty sure they can go a looong time without taking a break to breathe.” He watched Steve’s hand stray down to Bucky’s ass and he snickered. “Although, much longer, and I fear there will be photos of Captain America and his husband fucking in the rubble of an Avengers battle,” he added loudly so the others could hear him.

Steve pulled away from Bucky and a blush crept across his face. “I would never!”

Bucky just chuckled hoarsely, eyes still on Steve’s face. “Pretty sure that CNN camera crew over behind that cab right there wouldn’t stop me,” he called out and Clint saw Phil curse and look around for the crew, only to spot them and then point that way. Obediently, a small crew of SHIELD agents went to stop the crew from coming closer.

Clint walked over now that it seemed the couple was through making a dramatic scene and clapped them both on a shoulder each. “Steve, I’m really happy you’re alive,” he said, then looked at Bucky. “And dude, if you ever make me cry again, I’ll have to punch you to feel manly again.”

Bucky gave him a brittle laugh, clearly trying to make a joke out of it while it was still very, very real to him. “I better not ever think Stevie’s dead again around you, so you better be okay,” he said, a warning tone in his voice as he kept his eyes on Steve. He shook his head. “Why do you do that kinda thing, Stevie?”

Steve shrugged sheepishly. “I had him on the ropes?”

Bucky’s smile dropped and he glared, shoving Steve back half-heartedly. “Eurgh, I’m gonna fuckin’ strangle you with those damn ropes, you aggravating little shit.” He glanced at Clint, only to do a double take and look at him sharply. “Shit, Barton,” he said, eyes going to either side of Clint’s head. 

Clint, grimaced. “Yeah, the explosion undid the surgery I had on my ears a few years back. Looks like I’m effectively deaf again. Hurray.”

“Did I hear the words ‘deaf’ and ‘again’?” Clint looked past Bucky and spotted Phil, who took one look at him and sighed heavily. He raised his hands to sign to Clint. “You realize that surgery was a one-time thing. It won’t work again.”

Clint nodded grimly. “I’m well aware, Boss,” he replied out loud, though the way Steve flinched gave him an idea he was getting loud again. “Sorry,” he said in a lower tone (or so he hoped). 

Phil gestured for Clint to come to him, signing when Clint faced him fully. “I’ll take a look. I’m leaving May in charge of clean up so I can get back to the tower. I can get a light and a scope there and I remember how to tell if there’s any need for immediate medical attention.”

Clint nodded, only to wince when the nod made him dizzy. “Fair warning,” he signed. “I’m very dizzy, so chances are I need a doctor.”

Phil nodded, not even needing to sign back to show he understood. Clint knew his expressions well enough to know he did.

Phil always seemed to understand.

~

Clint looked up at Phil when he stepped back and turned to put down the scope. Clint grimaced when he realized Phil was speaking and he couldn’t hear. He kicked a foot out to nudge Phil’s thigh and he turned back. “Can’t see your mouth moving,” Clint said in what he hoped was a quiet voice.

Phil frowned. “Is it really that bad?” he asked and signed at the same time. “The damage is bad but it didn’t seem that bad.”

Clint shook his head. “I can hear your voice, like a muffled mumble, but I can’t make out the words. Once it stabilizes I can get Stark to get me some advanced hearing aids again.”

“Well that’s good,” Phil said with a small smile. “You did it before. You can do it again.”

“Yeah,” Clint said with a shrug. He slid off the table and gathered up his bow and his quivers as he spoke. “I need my eyes way more than my ears now that your voice isn’t the one on the comms-“ Clint stopped short and grimaced down at his quiver. He sighed heavily, putting his free hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Clint.” Clint looked up, surprised Coulson had stepped so close so that he could hear him say his name. Phil looked so much older than he ever had before in that moment. He looked weary and the lines around his eyes looked heavier than ever. “You have nothing to apologize for-“

“No, you don’t deserve my lack of a filter, Phil,” he said softly. He shook his head. “Whatever happened, it’s in the past.” He shrugged. “I got over it a while ago and I don’t want to make you feel guilty over my issues-“

Phil chuckled, running a hand over his head. “Clint.” He signed as he spoke, and Clint wasn’t sure whether to look at his hands or watch his face and hope he heard right. “You can’t make me feel any more guilty than I do every time I see you already.” He shook his head. “Nothing that’s happened is your fault, Clint.”

Clint looked at him for a minute, wondering if he should really say it. Phil waited patiently, like always, for Clint to make up his mind. Clint couldn’t help but sign it rather than say it. “No matter what the psychiatrists told me before I left SHIELD, deep down, I always thought you dying was my fault.”

Phil’s breath hitched and his eyes flickered up to Clint’s face. “Clint-“

“No,” Clint said out loud. “I don’t want sympathy, I just- I need you to understand why I have so much trouble letting go.” He smiled tightly, speaking slow and steady so his words didn’t slur. “I spent so much of my adult life in love with you and content to just be grateful I had you in my life as a friend, and then _I’m_ the reason you died. I know I’m not. I know it wasn’t me. I know that. But it didn’t stop feeling like I had killed the only man I’ve ever wanted.” He shrugged. “Then I found out you’d been alive for all the time I blamed myself and I’m over that. I’m over the anger, and the feeling of betrayal. I get it. SHIELD comes first. It’s always come first for you. I understand what you were doing and how important it was, and I wouldn’t want to change it, because you are the reason SHIELD still exists.” He smiled sadly. “And I’m never going to magically not love you, Phil. I wouldn’t want to if I could.” He sighed, raising his hands again. “You just don’t deserve to have to hear about it just because I can’t filter my words-“

Phil reached out and caught Clint’s hands, effectively silencing him. Clint frowned in confusion as Phil stepped closer, blocking him in against the edge of the table. “Stop apologizing for loving me, Clint,” Phil almost pleaded. “There is nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, but please.” He shook his head, pain etched into every line of his face. “There is so much bad stuff in the world and so much bad stuff in our pasts. Don’t apologize for one of the few good things either of us ever felt.” He smiled sadly. “Clint, you’re by far the brightest point of the past twenty years of my life. We both made mistakes about a lot of things, but most of the best memories I have, big things and little moments that stand out, most of them involve me and you.” Phil squeezed his hands almost unconsciously. “I don’t want you to regret being happy and building those memories with me. It doesn’t matter if you were in love with me or if you just were my friend. We had so many good times and that’s not a bad thing.” Phil met his eyes with a warmth to his expression that Clint didn’t understand until he spoke. “It’s an honor to be loved by the best person I’ve ever known.”

Clint let out a weak sound. He was glad he couldn’t hear whether it sounded more like a laugh or a sob. After everything, Phil was still too wonderful. He was far from perfect, Clint knew that better than anybody, but Clint couldn’t even apologize for bringing up the truth of their history without Phil refusing to feel awkward about it. Phil had to go and feel like he was _lucky_ that Clint chose him. Clint realized once more that Phil Coulson would never understand what he truly was to so many people. Clint closed his eyes, unable to stand looking at Phil any longer. He didn’t care if he missed whatever was said. He just couldn’t take it. “Why do you always make me feel like this?” he asked in a strangled tone. “This, Phil. This is why I can’t stop.” His throat grew tight and he swallowed hard. “You- you make me feel like I’m worth something. People said it, yeah, but you were always the only one who ever made me believe it. You treat me like I’m so much better than I am. You treat me like someone important, and I’m just a reject in every way possible.” He felt like a fool for spilling his guts but he couldn’t stop after he started. “You used to always make me feel like no matter what happened, it would be okay, because somebody gave a shit about me and that was- that was the biggest achievement I ever felt like I could make, Phil. I spent so long wanting someone to care if I lived or died and you did. Not as an asset, but as a person. You never weighed my worth against how useful I was to you, and that was the most amazing feeling I’d ever felt before. You gave me something to strive for. You gave me a feeling of family for the first time in my whole life, and you never did seem to realize that you gave so many people so much of yourself.”

Clint laughed bitterly. “You were the most important person in SHIELD and you never did realize it. To everybody. Every single person knew you. Thousands of people all over the world and they all knew Phil Coulson because you were the heart of SHIELD. Fury built it up from what it was before him, but you were the reason he worked so hard. Because you demanded a level of excellence and he cared about you so he made SHIELD what you wanted it to be.” Clint hesitated, his heart clenching. “And yet you say it’s an _honor_ to know I love you? Really?” he asked incredulously. “It’s not an honor, Phil. I’m _nothing_ compared to you. I never was. I’m just a fuck up with a good aim and a talent for being rejected by life in general. You’re supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable knowing that every time I look at you, my heart jumps into my throat and I want nothing more than to just _look at you_ and never stop.” He sighed heavily, glad that he had a chance to get it all out, no matter what the consequences. “I’ve spent forty-two years on this earth and nobody else has ever found a use for me for more than a little while. In the end, I’m just worthless, Phil. And me loving you… it’s just a thing I have to live with. There’s nothing honorable about that.”

Clint didn’t look up. He let his head hang, refusing to meet Phil’s eyes. But when Phil let go of his hands and Clint thought he was about to leave and let Clint sweep up the crumbled remains of his dignity, Phil once again proved he was the most unpredictable man ever. Clint was startled into looking up when Phil’s hands cupped his face on either side. Phil held his face gently in his hands, looking him dead in the eye. “Phil? What are you doing?” he asked in confusion.

Phil shook his head minutely, eyes unveiled entirely, showing every ounce of mixed emotions. There was more anger and affection warring in his deep blue eyes that Clint could have easily got lost in them. “Wishing I could go find every single person who ever made you feel worthless and make them _suffer_ ,” he replied, voice rough and shaky. He stroked a thumb across Clint’s cheekbone, eyes following its progress. “Maybe I don’t see myself for what I really am, but if I don’t, then you sure as hell don’t even come close to getting it, Clint.” He met his eyes. “It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about you, thought about you, or told you about yourself. There’s only one thing I know that matters, and that’s this-“ Clint actually jerked as if he’d been hit when Phil leaned in suddenly and kissed him.

Clint couldn’t help a strangled sob escaping at the feeling of Phil’s lips against his. Phil wasn’t tentative, he wasn’t gentle; Phil kissed Clint with a clear intent, and that intent was to prove a point. Clint reached up, steadying himself by holding onto Phil’s shoulders, letting any hesitancy be swept away by the blood pounding in his damaged ears. Phil’s hands on his face slid down his neck to his chest, Phil’s fingertips burning a path through his vest as they went. Clint could only focus on one feeling at a time, it was so overwhelming. He could barely feel the hands resting on his hips for the taste of Phil on his lips. He could barely breathe for fear of putting even an inch of space between their chests.

When they finally broke apart, both of them were panting like they’d been running, foreheads leaned together, hands clutching at each other. “Phil,” Clint breathed and Phil shushed him, pressing his lips to Clint’s jaw.

His lips ghosted past Clint’s ear, making him shiver. “You’re worth the world to me,” he said clearly, loud enough that Clint could hear even with his hearing damage. “ _Clint_ ,” he pleaded and Clint couldn’t help it. He turned, lips searching out Phil’s. This time, when they kissed, Clint was under no delusions about what Phil was saying. 

Together they stumbled to the couch in the corner of the lab (it was what constituted ‘medical’ for the Avengers at the tower, since Bruce wasn’t really ‘that kind of doctor’), hands scrambling over each other’s clothes the whole way. Phil’s tie got twisted with Clint’s vest as they fell to the floor and were stepped all over. When they were finally horizontal, Clint’s pants were still hanging off one leg and Phil’s cuff links had pinged across the room somewhere in the haste to rip his shirt off, but the feeling of Phil’s hands on his body was the best thing Clint had ever felt.

Clint had stopped when he saw the scar on Phil’s chest, the one Loki put there, and Phil had waited patiently as Clint touched it gently and the leaned in to press his lips to Phil’s chest ever so tenderly. When he looked up, Phil had simply pulled his face up to kiss him with fervor spurred on by emotions warring with each other inside of him. 

There was no time, supplies, or practical knowledge for anything more than Phil pressing Clint down into the couch, body between Clint’s thick, muscular thighs, as they kissed, touched, and writhed together. The way Clint clung to Phil, refusing to let him draw away very far, was a mixture of a sign of the passion that had been building between them for _so long_ and the very small part of Clint that feared it was a dream. 

As Clint came closer and closer to the edge, body trembling with need and overwhelming emotions, he let his head fall back, unable to kiss Phil for panting. Phil’s mouth moved to his neck and shoulder instead, which only elicited soft whines of pleasure. “Phil, please-“

“I’m here, I’ve got you,” Phil said into Clint’s ear. “It’s okay, Clint. I’m right here.” Clint let out a strangled cry as Phil’s words, but it was quickly followed by a hoarse moan as he wavered on the edge, body positively _burning_ with need. Phil’s next words, slurred and strangled as they were, that finally drove him over the edge. “I love you, Clint.”

Clint was only barely aware of Phil letting out a sharp cry and spilling between them, adding to the mess Clint had already made, because his entire body felt like it was glowing from the inside out. It was overwhelming and he felt like he was too full of _something_ to keep from falling apart. Clint shook hard in the wake of his orgasm as tears streamed down his cheeks and laughter spilled from his lips. He was aware somewhere in the back of his mind that he was hysteric, but Phil’s arms wrapped around him tightly said that Phil wasn’t worried, so Clint didn’t need to be either. As they lay curled together, Clint falling apart and Phil holding him together, Clint knew that it was okay because Phil would take care of him.

Just like always.

~

Clint wasn’t sure how to act around Phil after they got dressed and went to go find Stark. Clint would need to see a specialist before they could get Tony to start working on hearing aids, but Stark also was most likely to know how to get him to a specialist in the first place. Phil seemed to smoothly transition back into Director Coulson mode, but Clint was stuck more in ‘OH GOD I JUST HAD SEX WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!’ mode accompanied by a faint ringing that was starting to set in on top of the muffled noises. 

They didn’t speak as they walked towards the main kitchen, where they assumed the others would be, ravenous after a fight, but Phil looked at Clint when they turned a corner and Clint could see the warmth in Phil’s eyes that said he wasn’t regretting it or panicking. That was really all Clint could hope for until they got some time to sit down and talk about what just happened.

When they got to the kitchen, sure enough, everybody was showered and attacking a veritable mountain of takeout. Clint felt a little self-conscious of being in his uniform still since the others were all in clean, comfy clothes. (It was only made worse by the way Coulson had removed his jacket, forgone putting his tie back on, and rolled his sleeves up to hide the fact they couldn’t find his cuff links in the med lab.) Bucky was the first to look up and see Clint. “Hey! Can you hear anything I’m saying?” he called at what had to be a shout for how clearly Clint could hear him.

“I can hear you, but going by the way Steve just winced, I think you deafened your husband in the process of communicating with the deaf guy,” he joked.

Natasha looked between him and Phil – who had walked over to sit beside Stark and start talking to him – and her eyebrow arched. She shifted so he could see her hands and began to sign. “Any particular reason Coulson’s clothes look awfully rumpled and your hair is more messed up than usual?”

Clint glanced at Phil, who wasn’t looking, and back to Natasha. He signed back to her, “Let’s just say that between Steve making us think he died and Phil and I screwing in Bruce’s med lab, today has been an emotional rollercoaster.”

Bruce choked suddenly and spit water all over his plate, eyes flickering between Clint and Phil. “Oh my _God_ ,” he said weakly.

Clint paled. “Oh crap, you know how to sign-“

“Uh, he’s not the only one, Pal,” Bucky said and when Clint looked over, Steve was bright red while Bucky leered at him. “I want the full story later, by the way.”

Tony huffed. “Heeeey, I don’t like being left out! Am I the only Avenger who is out of the loop right now?”

Thor shook his head. “I can understand the hand signals he speaks of, but I was not looking when whatever has happened took place.”

Clint groaned. “ _Stark_ is the only one of you who doesn’t know sign language? Wow, great, no more secret conversations with Nat, then.”

Sam raised a hand. “Uh, not an Avenger, but very much unaware what’s going on.”

Clint bit his lip and glanced at Phil, who grimaced slightly and turned to Bruce. “Dr. Banner, I apologize-“

“Yeah, no,” Bruce said, ducking his eyes shyly. “Just- just go sterilize my lab before you leave and we’ll call it even.”

“Well,” Clint said. “That’ll have to be done anyways, there’s been a bloody me in there.”

Tony whined. “I wanna knooooow. Somebody tell me!”

Clint glared. “It’s none of your business. I didn’t think anybody but Tasha knew ASL or I’d have never did that.” He walked over and sat on Stark’s other side from Phil. “So, what’s the news about doctors?”

“I should tell you ‘no’ since you won’t let me in on the secret, but I’m a nice guy,” Tony said slyly. “J, find Clint a specialist I can pay to see him tomorrow. We’ll see what we’re dealing with and work out options for fixing his hearing then.”

“You can hear some, right?” Bruce asked and sighed together.

Clint nodded. “It’s just very muffled and my ears are ringing. If someone shouts my name I’ll hear them to turn and look while they sign basically.” He glared around the table. “Especially since it appears almost all of you know how to sign.” He looked at Steve. “How do you know how to sign?”

Steve shrugged. “I know a lot of languages. I didn’t just get stronger and bigger, you know? Got smarter, too.”

Bucky glowered at him. “Debatable,” he said, gesturing to the still healing cut near Steve’s hairline.

Stark grinned. “He said smarter, not more common sense.”

“Yes, and you’d know all about that,” Bruce said and Tony glared at him.

Natasha chuckled. “I see why you like Clint so much,” she said to Bucky. “He’s very intelligent yet still stupid as a post. You’re used to that.”

Bucky winked at Clint. “The sweet ass helps,” he joked only to have Steve clear his throat pointedly. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Steve, you’re lucky I haven’t strangled you today, you don’t even get to be offended by my jokes.”

Steve ducked his head and smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Bucky-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know you are, Punk,” Bucky grumbled, leaning over to kiss his jaw with a begrudging look on his face. He laid his head on Steve’s shoulder when he was done. “Just stop being stupid, okay?”

Steve nodded. “I’ll try,” he promised and Bucky snorted but didn’t argue with him again.

Clint smiled when Bucky met his eyes. “When I can hear better, I’ll let you bitch about it to me,” he signed and Bucky grinned as he raised his hands above the table’s edge.

“Count on it.” He glanced at Coulson then back to Phil. “I expect to hear from you about that anyways.”

“Definitely,” Clint signed back with a sheepish smile. He glanced up the table at Phil, but Phil wasn’t looking his way. He took Phil’s distraction to his advantage and just watched him talking to Stark for a while.

~

Clint was nervous the whole way back to his house. Phil insisted on going with him since he was still at risk somewhat, but Clint knew Phil wanted to talk. Steve and Bucky had left earlier than they did, so Clint wasn’t too alarmed to get home and find Lucky gone. Bucky still stole Lucky from time to time since he and Stella seemed to get along better recently.

“Dog stealer,” Clint muttered as he ignored Phil for a moment and headed upstairs, stripping as he went. He took a quick shower and put on some sweats and a clean tee-shirt before heading back downstairs. When he got there, Phil was sitting on his couch looking at the papers Clint had spread out on the coffee table. 

“Thinking of getting a job?” Phil signed without looking up as Clint walked behind him to turn on the coffee maker.

Clint glanced back. “Nah, helping Nancy find a job.” Phil jumped some so Clint knew he’d spoken too loud. “One of my tenants,” he explained in what he hoped was a more reasonable tone. “She’s having trouble finding a job because of her record. Drug charges from when she was just a dumb kid.” Clint walked over and plopped down beside Phil. “Trying to help her out so she doesn’t lose custody of her kids.” 

Phil chuckled. “So this is what you do now? You quit being a secret agent and become a hero of the people?” he teased.

Clint hummed, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “You haven’t heard about my vigilante thing, then.”

Phil frowned. “What do you mean vigilante thing?” he asked, and Clint smirked.

“I moved in and my landlord was this Russian mobster dude and these shitty assholes in track suits were being real slum lords and they abused Lucky so I kinda rescued Lucky and bought the building to help my neighbors.” He hesitated. “Well, first they beat the shit out of me and Lucky got hit by a car, but _eventually_.” He shrugged. “And stuff just keeps happening. Like some asshole tried to rape Michelle’s wife when she was taking out the trash one night and I was on the roof shooting and heard her scream so I just leaned over the edge and shot him,” he said proudly. He grimaced. “Although one of my friends got killed cause I’m Hawkeye not long ago. That sucked.” Phil just watched him rambling with a small smile but Clint couldn’t stop. “Then there was the Kate thing, where she kinda decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore cause I was sad all the time and she kidnapped my dog and it sucked too, but I got him back and that’s good, cause Nat was off doing SHIELD stuff and Kate didn’t like me anymore and Grills was dead so I didn’t really have anybody besides Lucky and he’s a great friend, even if he seems to like Bucky more than me lately, but that’s okay. I like Bucky more than me, and their names are only one letter apart, so that’s-“

“Clint.” Clint closed his mouth and looked at Phil, who just shook his head fondly. “Some things never change.” 

Clint groaned, dropping his head back. “I just don’t know what the hell to say right now. Nothing really makes sense here.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “What about this doesn’t make sense?”

“You’re sitting on my couch, for one thing,” Clint grumbled, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

Phil reached out and tapped his elbow. Clint turned and followed Phil’s hands as he signed while speaking. “I told you already that I love you, Clint. I don’t think I could do a better job of extolling your virtues than I already have.”

Clint shook his head. “It’s not even that. I just… I guess I can understand that but I can’t understand why you want to try and do something about it.” He met Phil’s eyes. “I’m not joking, Phil. Your life is more confusing and demanding now than it ever has been. I spent so long working with you that I know how deep into your work you used to get, I can only imagine what it’s like as Director of SHIELD. Why do you want to do this now?”

“Maybe I’ve decided I’m done making excuses to put off taking what I want?” Phil countered, face straight but eyes intense. “I wasted years thinking you wouldn’t want me back, and I’ve wasted months now knowing that you’ve loved me every second I loved you. You’re right, I don’t have time for it. I really don’t have any logical reason to do this with you now,” he said so softly that Clint had to watch his hands to be sure of what he was saying. “But I _want_ you, and as long as I’ve still got a chance, I’m taking it.” He reached out and cupped Clint’s face in his hand, making Clint meet his eyes. “When that bomb went off exactly where I’d seen you last, I spent about ninety seconds looking through my scope and praying I’d find you and not your body. When you and Natasha came into view, I felt so relieved that I had to take a moment to collect myself before climbing down from that roof.”

Clint’s chest tightened and he remembered how it felt to see Phil’s body and have the opposite happen; he had held hope, held onto the tiniest shred of ‘maybe it’s not real’, only to see Phil’s body and touch his cold hand and realize all his worst fears had come true. He knew that if he’d found Phil and he’d been alive, he would have said ‘fuck it’ and kissed Phil right there in front of Fury and God and whoever else wanted to watch because he couldn’t have found a shit to give about anything but letting Phil know, for better or for worse, that he loved him and was happy he was alive. But he hadn’t had that chance, because Phil was dead when he found him. He’d been killed and Clint had lost the chance to show Phil all the ways he loved him. 

And here Phil was, sitting in front of him, telling him he loved him back.

Clint reached out for the buttons to Phil’s shirt and started undoing them. Phil watched him curiously until Clint opened his shirt far enough he could push it out of the way and look at the scar on Phil’s chest. He traced his fingertip along the gnarled skin and he let out a soft sound. “I think I understand.”

“Good,” Phil said, using his free hand to pressed Clint’s more firmly against his chest as he leaned in. “Because I want this, Clint, but I need you to understand how incredibly difficult things might get if we go for it.”

Clint chuckled hoarsely. “Shit, Coulson, I’ve loved you for half my adult life, even when I thought you were dead for over two years. I doubt a few months where I don’t get to see you in person is gonna make me suddenly stop.”

Phil smiled and nuzzled into Clint’s cheek gently. “Well, in that case, I guess I’ll have more motivation to not work too hard,” he murmured just loud enough for Clint to hear before brushing his lips across Clint’s tenderly. “Any chance this’ll motivate you to stop jumping off buildings?”

Clint smiled, eyes falling shut as he slid his hand down Phil’s chest and grabbed a handful of his shirt, ready to pull him into a real kiss. “Not a chance.”


End file.
